1204. EBB to Mary Russell Mitford
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 7, 56–57.
[London]
April 5. 1843.
My dearest friend I hope you had a letter from me which went from hence last saturday, [1] —for I shd be very uncomfortable if it were lost. I am uncomfortable at this moment,—through the ingenious interpretation of your silence into either the losing of the letter, or your anger at the contents of it– Supposing you to be angry .. do, do forgive me my beloved friend. I use overmuch liberty in writing to you, I believe, & I will readily confess to you: and I will endeavor .. if it shd displease you, .. to cease from it altogether & be discreet in my love for you, henceforth. You have spoilt me into saying whatever thought is at the top, for no better reason, sometimes, than that it is at the top: and then, as our dear Mr Kenyon says, I am apt to be “insolent with a pen in my hand.” Forgive me!– If the letter shd not have reached you & I am clear of offence towards you in all ways for the present, think still how uncomfortable I must be when I tell you that the lost ms is about K___ poor K___ & went to urge you into dispensing with the silence for the future–
Your letter which crossed mine, pleased me very much by telling me that you had resolved to remain in your present residence. I do not think that you cd have lived close by, & seen your old footsteps & those sacred to you, trodden in by strangers, without a pang .. without a deeper pang than you anticipated. And then .. even I .., at this distance,—shd scarcely have borne to think of such a desecration under your eyes, without a reflected depression. I feel quite grateful to Mr Blandy [2] for this decision, & as sure that you will be the happier for it as I can be sure of anything.
But when do you go? [3] You linger I fear my dearest Miss Mitford. Now I do entreat you not to wait for Mrs Davidson who if she cares for you in any degree & knows, which she may do from you or Mr May, how necessary this change of scene has become for you, would beseech you to go, supposing her voice could reach you.
Shall I ever be cured of my insolence?– Forgive me, forgive me for love’s sake, [4] my beloved friend–
Your EBB–
They seem to fail in the cocoa—to understand nothing about it: and as you are satisfied with your quaker, [5] we will wait for the ships which may be in this month. Thank you for your kind thought about Bewick &c–! [6]
Address: Miss Mitford / Three Mile Cross / near Reading.
Publication: EBB-MRM, II, 200–201.
Manuscript: Wellesley College.
1. Letter 1198.
2. The editors of EBB-MRM identify J.J. Blandy as the Reading Borough Clerk and Miss Mitford’s estate agent.
3. i.e., to Bath.
4. Philemon, 1:9.
5. In this sense, an immature or blighted bean sometimes found in inferior grades of coffee (OED).
6. As EBB had said in letter 1188 that she had seen Bewick’s book only in extracts, the inference is that Miss Mitford had offered to lend it to her.
___________________
