1607. EBB to Mary Russell Mitford
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 8, 311–312.
[London]
Tuesday. May 7. 1844.
It has haunted me ever since I wrote last to you, my dearest friend, that not a single word did I say (in my most reckless & immoral hurry!) about your exaggerations of exceeding kindness, in respect to my late deprivation. [1] Yes—I think it wd be excellently becoming, .. the acceptance in my imagination, of the great idea in yours! How shall I answer it? If I were Napoleon, I might have queens in my antichambers.
In the meantime, you have a sort of service to render me certainly,—for you pour out my amreeta, [2] .. hot for quaffing, .. with these happy thoughts of what will happen on monday week. I am so glad it is tuesday. Now I can say ‘monday-week,’ instead of ‘monday fortnight,’ which seemed too far. Monday-week—monday-week.
Crow has been very kind. She has come day after day, sometimes two or three days together, to dress me & arrange little things for me—shedding abundant tears when the time came for leaving me. She said, it was as great a deprivation to her as it cd be to me,—she said that very kindly & earnestly. I earnestly hope she may be happy, poor thing,—and, so far, the business seems flourishing, & he is very attentive & apparently fond of her. [3] She goes to her mother’s to be confined,—& then, will come the full loss to me!
Wilson, the new maid, is very willing, very anxious, .. almost too anxious! very gentle, .. almost too gentle! a little failing in the vivacity & cheerfulness I like about me. I am afraid I shall never like her as well as Crow,––altho’ she appears to be amiable beyond any finding fault with, & desirous of pleasing. Is that ungrateful of me? Perhaps so. My sisters say I shall like it all better presently. Perhaps so. But what I miss is,—the affectionate, gentle (always respectful) controul, which poor Crow used towards me,––the sort of half-nursing, .. & arrangeing [sic] of everything. She was with me when I was very ill & weak—& something of the gentle authority of nurse to patient, remained in her manner & ways—the “you must not have the window open in an east wind,”—& the like. Do you understand? I miss it all drearily. Now, I may have the window open all day, if it blows a hurricane,—unless my sisters come into the room & look that way! I may take double morphine draughts if I like! I may go to bed as late as I please,—& talk as long. It is a liberty I am not grown strong enough for,—& I feel the weight of it. [4]
How querulous!————
How childish! I am ashamed of myself almost, to write so to you. Only you do not despise me always, for even my foolishnesses.
Not time for a word more! May God bless you, my beloved friend!
Ever your attached EBB.
You received my lost letter surely?
Publication: EBB-MRM, II, 411–412.
Manuscript: Wellesley College.
1. i.e., the loss of Crow.
2. In Southey’s The Curse of Kehama, amreeta was a liquor conferring immortality on the drinker. EBB is anticipating another visit from Miss Mitford.
3. As mentioned in letter 1585, Crow and her husband had taken a baker’s shop in Camden Town, some 30 minutes from Wimpole Street.
4. Cf. Wordsworth, “Prefatory Sonnet” (“Nuns fret not,” 1807), line 13.
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