1912. RB to EBB
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 10, 209–210.
[London]
Monday– [Postmark: 12 May 1845]
My dear, own friend, I am quite well now, or next to it—but this is how it was,—I have gone out a great deal of late, and my head took to ringing such a literal alarum that I wondered what was to come of it; and at last, a few evenings ago, as I was dressing for a dinner somewhere, I got really bad of a sudden, and kept at home to my friend’s heartrending disappointment. Next morning I was no better—and it struck me that I should be really disappointing dear kind Mr Kenyon, and wasting his time, if that engagement, too, were broken with as little warning,—so I thought it best to forego all hopes of seeing him, at such a risk. And that done, I got rid of every other promise to pay visits for next week and next, and told everybody, with considerable dignity, that my London season was over for this year, as it assuredly is—and I shall be worried no more, and let walk in the garden, and go to bed at ten o’clock, and get done with what is most expedient to do, and my “flesh shall come again like a little child’s,” [1] and one day, oh the day, I shall see you with my own, own eyes .. for, how little you understand me; or rather, your self,—if you think I would dare see you, without your leave, that way! Do you suppose that your power of giving & refusing ends when you have shut your room-door? Did I not tell you I turned down another street, even, the other day, and why not down your’s? And often as I see Mr Kenyon, have I ever dreamed of asking any but the merest conventional questions about you,—your health, and no more?
I will answer your letter, the last one, to-morrow. I have said nothing of what I want to say.
Ever yours
RB.
Address: Miss Barrett, / 50 Wimpole St
Postmark: 3AN3 MY10 1845 B.
Docket, in EBB’s hand: 12.
Publication: RB-EBB, pp. 61–62.
Manuscript: Wellesley College.
1. Cf. II Kings 5:14.
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