326. EBB to Hugh Stuart Boyd
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 2, 174–175.
Hope End.
Wednesday Morng. [?22] [October 1828] [1]
My always kind & dear friend will not have reproached me for not replying more immediately to his letter. I did not receive it until more than a week subsequent to its date,—for, on its arrival, I was not well or in a state to read, and therefore, instead of its being given to me, it was put away with my other letters, by which means it became mislaid. When I did read it, while I deeply felt its kindness, I was still inclined to defer my reply. I could not trust myself to write calmly; & to have written otherwise than calmly, would have shewn a want of consideration towards feelings which have already sympathized with mine.
I believe I can write calmly now. Therefore I will write to thank yourself, dear Mr Boyd, & to thank your family, for your kind sympathy in the deepest affliction of my life. The affliction was unforseen & unexpected by me—and for a time, it took from me the power of thinking. Oh Mr Boyd! Are we not of the earth earthy; [2] & must we not cling with the strong clinging of natural affection to that which is of earth,—to that which is resolvable to earth? Perhaps I have done it too much, and too long—and God has reproved me, by cutting asunder one of the dearest & tenderest & holiest ties that can bind finite beings to finite things. Gods will be done! His will—not our will—is just & merciful & to be fulfilled.
Now I can consider all the details of this calamity, & can understand all the mercy involved in it by Him who in the midst of judgment remembers mercy. I can understand that by this dispensation, He has intended blessing both unto her who has departed, & unto us who remain. It is good for us to be afflicted,—& she is happier than we could be if she were restored to us. She is freed from desease & weakness,—& we are no longer too happy. I can even understand why one consolation was denied to me—why I was not permitted to behold her last smile, & to receive her last embrace! Blessed be God for permitting me to understand this!——
I am not regardless of those earthly consolations of which you speak—and, with so much in Heaven to trust in, & on earth to love, I could not be ungrateful enough, to shut my heart against happiness. You say “Many have been bereaved of their Mother in their infancy.” I have only to look around me, to know indeed that many have! Who can supply to them what she was? But I cannot speak of these things.
I have the comfort of seeing my dearest father strong in the consolation which is of God, & wonderfully well. I shewed your letter to him, & he very deeply felt the kindness of its expressions. So you will not allow me to consider you as an old friend? I [3] never could calculate friendship by weeks & days! I could not leave my family and my home at present, even to see you. Do you think I would, to see any one else?
We are all well & very composed. Give our kindest regards & acknowledgments to Mrs Boyd & Miss Boyd—and believe me, my dear friend,
Most gratefully & earnestly yours
E B Barrett.
I have not told you after all, how soothing it was to me to receive your letter, & to be assured of your unaltered regard—unaltered, while so much around me is altered forever!
Address, on integral page: Hugh Stuart Boyd Esqr / Woodland Lodge / Malvern.
Publication: EBB–HSB, pp. 61–63.
Manuscript: Wellesley College.
1. Dated by reference to the death of Mary Moulton-Barrett, and by the fact that 22 October 1828 was a Wednesday.
2. I Corinthians, 15:47.
3. Underscored twice.
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