414. EBB to Hugh Stuart Boyd
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 2, 301–302.
Hope End.
Thursday. [12 May 1831] [1]
My dearest friend,
I am sorry that you were disappointed by my letter saying nothing of Papa; but by your letter, I have been more disappointed than it is possible for you to have been by mine! Am I to understand that in the case of your not hearing from Mr Curzon at the end of this week, it is your intention to take the house at Charlton, without waiting even till the nineteenth, as you told me you might do? Do you not know how apt Papa is to delay answers to questions respecting his own affairs? You are wrong if you think that he would be unwilling to receive you here in the case of his remaining at Hope End,—or that, in another case, he could dislike your being near us. He can have no very strong personal feeling about either, as he does not know you: but for my sake, I know what his wish must be. I am sure I am wrong in thinking & feeling so much merely for myself—but I cannot help it. And I must suggest one thing to you, tho’ to you it may seem of no consequence. Supposing Papa were to write to you next Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday, to regret his inability to answer your question before, on account of the suspence in which he himself has been held. If after writing such a letter, he were to hear that before receiving it, you had precluded yourself from either coming here or living near us, what wd his inference be? Not surely that your wish for doing either could have been very strong.
I will not tell you now what I myself think about the degree of your desire to live near us—but I know you too well not to know your manner of writing & speaking when you desire anything very much. I dare say you will go to Charlton, & that you will be very happy there. I hope you may—earnestly I hope it. If you make other friends there, may they care for you as sincerely as I have done,—but not as much!—— For that is a thing to be “regretted” by you,—and wd. be a cause of unavailing pain to them. You are right in saying that all things are for the best: but that is only saying that it is best to suffer distress of mind sometimes. That I have suffered it lately in different ways, until my body could scarcely bear the struggle within, God knows—& that I am to suffer still & longer, God has willed.
<…> [2]
With your letter today I had one very short one from Miss Trepsack, written in a way that leaves no doubt of her being well-informed about Papa’s misfortune. It speaks of Miss Clarke’s coming here next Monday or Tuesday. I am sorry for that. She will only come to be made unhappy, & will not relieve us in any way. For my own part, I would rather bear it all, alone—all, that it pleases God, I should bear!——
Thank Mrs Boyd for her note. But what can she mean by saying that she does not desire more acquaintances, & would like to know as few people as possible? In that case, must not all places be alike to her? And must it not be pleasanter, considering our lovely country, to live in solitude at Malvern than at Charlton?—— I cannot write any more now. I would give up all the pleasure & advantage I have derived from your society, for this—that you had gone away three years ago instead of now. Will you be very angry at my saying so?—— There is little reason indeed for your being angry.
Give my love to Mrs Boyd & Annie. Arabel sent her orbits to you this morning.
Ever yours affectionately
E B Barrett.
Address, on integral page: H. S. Boyd Esqr / Woodland Lodge / Great Malvern.
Publication: EBB-HSB, pp. 130–132.
Manuscript: Wellesley College.
1. Dated by reference to Bummy’s arrival at Hope End; letter 418 shows that she was there before the following Thursday.
2. Slightly more than half a line obliterated with loops by EBB.
___________________
