441. EBB to Hugh Stuart Boyd
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 3, 7–8.
Hope End
Monday. [12 March 1832] [1]
My dear Mr Boyd,
I need not tell you how much I have wished & wish to go to you today, & to do everything you require. I told Papa last night of my wish & yours, & begged him & argued with him as long as I had any chance of being heard. It was all in vain! He said—I will tell you exactly, that you may not be more angry than you are sure to be at any rate,—that he would willingly oblige you, but that he could not be a party to anything likely to fatigue me in any way just now—that I was turning into a shadow, thinner & thinner every day, & that he knew perfectly well what would be the end of it—meaning, I suppose, the end of me. I assured him of the fact of my doing much less with you than by myself,—& of there being no mental exertion necessary on my part to write what you dictated. But he was sure of my being fatigued, in the case of my going to you,—and as to my fatiguing myself at home, I might commit suicide if I pleased, but he would not be party to it, by consenting to your proposal. I am disappointed—far far more disappointed than you are,—for I dare say Miss H Mushet’s eyes will soon be better,—& then you will have a more agreable & satisfactory secretary, tho’ not a more willing & anxious one than I could be. [2] You know how much pleasure it gives me to write to your dictation,—to write even a letter,—besides the pleasure of doing what you wish. Perhaps Papa may relent,—but he seems to be in a panic about me all at once, because he thinks or fancies that I am looking thinner & worse than usual. If I am, it is not wonderful,—& certainly not attributable to mental exertion.
Whenever I can go to you, I am ready to write all the time I stay,—if you will let me; and a good deal can be done you know, in five hours.
Yours affectionately
E B Barrett–
Address, on integral page: H S Boyd Esqr / Ruby Cottage / Malvern Wells.
Publication: Diary, pp. 301–302.
Manuscript: Wellesley College.
1. Dated by Diary, p. 224, entry for 12 March.
2. In her diary EBB wrote: “After I had sent away the letter, I regretted that expression.”
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