975. Mary Russell Mitford to EBB
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 6, 13–14.
Three Mile Cross,
Jun. 21, 1842. [1]
I could not, my beloved, honestly suffer my contract to go on without telling C—— what had happened; and he will assuredly make use of it to beat me down in the price. [2] Oh! my dear, dear love, long, very long, may you be preserved in the blessed ignorance of pecuniary care! Never may you have to feel what it is to fear that the little you possess may not last while the one you love best on earth requires it! Never to feel that you cannot supply to him that which habit has made indispensable! I feel these things pressing upon me like so many crimes. It seems to me that any one, with more firmness and more exertion, would put aside all else and work for him. I am sensible that one of stronger resolution would do more. God aid me! I only pray for strength and power to help that dear, dear father. Except for him my existence has no value to any earthly creature. But when I think of not being able to administer to his comforts, my very heart sickens within me.
Oh! my dear love, you cannot feel what that dreadful feeling is of one leaning upon you whilst you have no power to bear him up—of letting him fall through your own helpless weakness! Forgive my paining you in this way with a useless sympathy. But the expression is repressed to him, and sometimes it will have way. Forgive me, I implore you!
Heaven bless you!
Your own,
M.R.M.
Text: L’Estrange (2), III, 135–136 (as 21 January 1842).
1. L’Estrange dated this letter Jan. 21, 1842, but we believe this to be a misreading of Miss Mitford’s handwriting. She did not mention her concern regarding her contract with Colburn to EBB until May (see EBB’s comments in letters 957, 958 and 965), but would surely have done so sooner had L’Estrange’s dating been correct.
2. For details of Miss Mitford’s agreement with Colburn, see letter 958, note 5, and letter 967.
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