181. EBB to Thomas Campbell
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 1, 180–183.
[?Hope End]
[ca. May 1823] [1]
Mr Editor, [2]
Though we have been patronized by no one more liberally, than by yourself, yet it may require some little apology to your readers to occupy these pages with the history of those, whose family may be the only one of which they may not wish to know the history. When I furthermore declare myself the humble chronicler of the much abused, and misrepresented race of the Thoughts, I imagine I hear a young Lady exclaim with a yawn which might be termed ominous “Bless me the Thoughts of Devonshire—I’ll bet my life!” while a better informed, and more matronly damsel, stealing a trembling glance at her no longer flattering mirror, may cry “Was any thing so unlucky? I’ve been avoiding these people all my life, and now to stumble on them here!! Can any thing be more unfortunate!”
The Commencement of my descriptive narrative must give a slight outline of the history of some old family relatives, whom it will be necessary to introduce to the reader, before he can understand a sentence of my biographical sketch. I allude to the ancient and respectable house of the Words, lineal descendants from the Alphabet and near connections of the Sylables. These little gentlemen are of very inflammable tempers, being ever quarelling among themselves; so much so indeed that the “War of Words” is proverbially mentioned as the most unending, while Gray speaking of their fiery temperament says “Words that burn”. [3] Indeed the Poets seem rather to have a spite against this hapless race, and [among] many other attacks we may mention Lord Byrons contemptuous expression “Away with Words”, [4] and Shakespeare’s more serious libel on their reputation when he asserts “Words pay no debts.” [5] <Nevertheless the Words are at present a family of much consequence; having made themselves of great weight in the Cabinet. Many a Chancellor of the Exchequer has, by their aid, paid the national debt ––– as much as he meant to pay it; and Mr Canning has lately sent them into Spain instead of arms, and ammunition.> [6]
In former times the Words were the most intimate friends of the Thoughts, and, to do them justice, were extremely kind in introducing them into the best society. I cannot either help acknowledging that when several of the Thoughts were falling fast into poverty, the Words in the most benevolent manner lent them every assistance, and equipped them in court suits. In return however for this charity they exacted so much from the Thoughts that the latter, who are of noble blood, could not help feeling indignant, remembering that the Words were a younger branch of the family, and, tho’ replete with pride, quite divested of natural talent. At this the Words took offence, and libelled the Thoughts in so public a manner that the latter were obliged to cut their acquaintance, and now it is considered the height of ill breeding to invite the relatives to the same party in the fashionable circles. The quarrel has even gone so far that there is a flitting report of the dispute being about to be placed in the hands of the Gentlemen of the bar, in which case Mr Editor you will allow with me that “Words versus Thoughts” will have a most nil ultra [7] echo both in politics and Ethics.
The first individual in the Thought family, of which I intend making mention, is Mr Philosophical Thought, a Gentleman of eccentric habits and singular disposition. He was acquainted with Plato, Socrates, Cicero, and Bacon, and was so intimate with Sir Isaac Newton, that the on dit [8] assures us that he held him down, in a malicious frolic, opposite a burning fire till that distinguished man’s proper person, subdued by the torturing flames, was instantaneously converted into the centre of gravity [9] This however may be a calumny for I always considered Mr Philosophical Thought a very excellent Person, tho’ rather too sensible of his own importance, and too fond of studying his own pedigree. As a proof of his original disposition, I will cursorily mention, that a silly report being spread of his children, the young Ideas, having had the free use of their eyesight before they came into the world, he took the trouble of dictating a long chapter to his secretary (Mr Locke) in order to prove that his infants could not discern objects till after they were born.
Mrs Poetical Thought, first Cousin of the Gentleman above mentioned, is a venerable old Lady who boasts of having wet nursed Homer, and led Shakespeare about, in leading strings. She however is still a great dresser, and flirts away most valiantly with the Words, who continue her humble servants, though at variance with the rest of the family– Her three Sons are all of great celebrity in the literary world and are talked of with raptures by the Critics– I can’t help thinking that Sublimity Thought, her eldest born, lifted Lord Byron to a word or two in “Childe Harold”– as to Brilliant Thought he is too ready with a quotation from “Lallah Rookh” [10] to escape my suspicion; and Refined Thought confessed to me the other day in confidence that he snatched the pen out of Campbell’s hand and wrote “The Pleasures of Hope” himself.
Unlike other writers, Mr Editor, I keep my own portrait to the last, but as I am unwilling to pass quite unnoticed, I shall just assure you that I am a good natured hanger on of the family, and generally better recieved that [sic] the rest of my connections. I am of so condescending a disposition that I have often helped a damsel to distribute her patches becomingly, besides having presided over the Cabinet of a Lady’s dress in order to enable her to confirm her government by good policy and adorn it with new conquests. I am also skilled in the more dignified employments of drawing accurate likenesses in the fire on a winter evening, and building castles in the air on a summers night, for which I am known by the illustrious title of Architect Thought.
Having thus Mr Editor graciously allowed you to take a coup d’œil [11] of our family concerns, I must entreat you to honor us with your protection, and defend us from the many attacks on our fame which hourly assail us. For even proverbs are aimed in tremendous phalanxes against us, such as “A thought strikes me,” “a penny for your thoughts,” and other sayings equally unjust, and injurious. If however you will allow us to assemble under the shield of your distinguished character we may once again be at peace, and, with the hope that you will not be quite deaf to our entreaties, allow me to assure you, in behalf of all our illustrious house, that as we have ever been, so we shall always be,
Yours to command.
Postscriptum
I had just laid my pen in its resting place, when I heard a shrill voice at my elbow, and turning beheld Concise Thought, an eccentric Cousin of ours, so close in his economy that we may term him the Ricardo [12] of our household. His dwarfish form was contracted into half its natural dimensions by the help of tight stays, and his own extraordinary efforts; for as it is the aim of the generality of Mankind to be believed great, so is it the ambition of our Cousin to be thought little .. Now as Concise Thought holds the Words in utter detestation, I expected the most flattering praises from his tongue! when imagine my astonishment to hear him begin as follows. “No doubt my dear Sir (said my Cousin with a twirl of his left hand which in itself was an epigram) no doubt you imagine you have done much service to our family, by the above article, and much injury to our enemies, that horrible aristocracy who would have stretched us on a Procrustian bed [13] to their own inordinate dimensions. How!! have you not the wit to observe that in every line you have courted the assistance of those very words whose authority you deprecate, and that to have said less would have answered your purpose more.”?
I know not whether my Cousin is right, Mr Editor, but shall hasten to conclude, lest your readers should think he is.
Publication: Athenæum, 23 July 1836, pp. 522–523 (after revisions).
Source: EBB’s fair copy, University of Texas. Two of EBB’s drafts are extant, one at Wellesley College and one at the Armstrong Browning Library. A further fair copy exists, enclosed in a letter to H.S. Boyd (no. 423).
1. Conjectural dating based on the reference to George Canning, who became Foreign Secretary in September 1822. In April 1823 he strongly protested against a French invasion of Spain, following the Congress of Verona, but took no military action.
2. On a separate cover sheet, EBB wrote “For the new Monthly Magazine.” Campbell was its editor at this time, but EBB’s reference in the body of the letter to his poem The Pleasures of Hope suggests that she was not aware of the identity of the editor to whom she was writing.
Above the salutation, EBB wrote her title, “A Thought on Thoughts.” The magazine did not publish this essay. A revised version was printed in The Athenæum in 1836.
3. Thomas Gray (1716–71), The Progress of Poesy (1754), III, 3.
4. Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage, Canto the Fourth (1818), line 972.
5. Troilus and Cressida, III, 2, 55.
6. The bracketed passage was actually written farther down in the manuscript, after the words “Thoughts that the latter …”; EBB indicated its revised location with asterisks.
7. Literally “nothing beyond.” It is difficult to see what EBB intended to convey; perhaps “meaningless echo.”
8. “Gossip; rumour.”
9. Underscored three times.
10. Lalla Rookh (1817), by Thomas Moore (1779–1852).
11. “Glance at.”
12. A reference to the English economist David Ricardo (1772–1823).
13. In Greek legend the robber Procrustes placed all his victims on an iron bed; those too tall were cut to size, those too short were stretched to fit.
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