131. EBB to Mary Moulton-Barrett
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 1, 127–128.
[Gloucester]
[ca. June 1821] [1]
My ever, ever dearest Mama,
I am perhaps too tenacious of the good opinion of my Friends and yet believe me were I not so thoroughly assured of yours and my beloved Puppy’s affection as I am your letter might perhaps have proved a dam head to the impetuous torrent of my vanity. When my dearest Mama I promised to exert myself I spoke sincerely and the promise I made I intended to keep. If it were possible believe me that any mental exertion could shake off bodily torture it should be effected without reluctance as without hesitation. I have exerted all my energy all my locomotive intellects all the muscular power of mind and I have found that though in some degree bodily anguish may be repressed from appearing yet it has failed to be overcome. Today Dr Baron [2] comes to examine my back accurately and with particular care in order either to remove or satisfy his own doubts. I trust in God it may prove not to be the spine, the restraint attending such a disease would indeed be irksome! He told me yesterday that did that disease absolutely appear he thinks I might as well be at home as elsewhere but on the contrary should it not he would recommend my absence from Hope End. Either case however he observed would not incapacitate me from travelling tho’ it might influence the “absolute necessity”. I do not wish to return home my dearest Mama till I am well and perhaps the wish may be natural considering that illness casts a shade of apathetic gloom over scenes which in health and enjoyment were once so dear.
I am as happy here as possible and my dearest Sam’s kindness perfectly exemplary!! Dear Granny & Trip too! how can I forget their affection? [3] Dr Baron advises great quiet and a recumbant posture. I was out in my chair the day before yesterday but was certainly the worse for it. Yesterday the bath was tried but no sooner had the hot water touched my back than I was in agony. I could not remain in, an instant. I will not my dearest Mama assure you that I am much better but though my pains continue I feel the privation of health so much less and have such uniform good spirits (which enable me to support the regular paroxysms without sinking) that I feel you must [4] rejoice!!!
My own dear Mama’s
affecte child Ba–
Address, on integral page, in hand of Edward Moulton-Barrett (father): For Mary.
Publication: None traced.
Manuscript: Berg Collection and British Library.
1. Written shortly after EBB went to Gloucester for treatment of an illness. For a professional description of her symptoms, see SD389.
2. John Baron, M.D. (1786–1851), of Gloucester, the friend and biographer of Edward Jenner.
3. Elizabeth Moulton, Miss Trepsack and uncle Sam were with EBB in Gloucester during most of her illness.
4. Underscored three times.
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