1855. EBB to Thomas Westwood
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 10, 107–108.
[London]
March 4. 1845.
I reproach myself much, dear Mr Westwood, for my silence, & began to do so before your kind note reminded me of its unkindness. I had indeed my pen in my hand three days ago to write to you—but a cross fate plucked at my sleeve for the ninety ninth time, & left me guilty– And you do not write to reproach me!– You only avenge yourself softly by keeping back all news of your health, & not by saying a word of the effect on you of this winter which has done its spiriting so ungently. Which brings me down to myself. For somebody has been dreaming of me,—& dreams, you know, must go by contraries. And how could it be otherwise? Although I am on the whole essentially better .. on the whole!—yet the peculiar severity of this winter has acted on me as might have been expected, & the truth is, that for “the last month,” precisely the last month, .. I have been feeling (‘off & on,’ as people say) very uncomfortable. Not that I am essentially worse, but essentially better, on the contrary, .. only that the feeling of discomfort, & trouble at the heart (physically) will come with the fall of the thermometer, .. & the voice will go!–
But your congratulations, if inappropriate at the moment, dear Mr Westwood, are welcome as a proof of your kind interest, and as such I thank you for them heartily. Write to me soon & tell me if you yourself are well, or at least not suffering much from that axe in the air which waves to & fro, in the form of the frost we have had lately[.] And then .. I have another question to enunciate. Will the oracle answer? Do you know, .. (you who do not know how I have been in health for the last month, ..) who wrote the article in the Metropolitan? Beseech you, answer me—I have a suspicion. True, that the critics have been supernaturally kind to me,—but the kindness of this Metropolitan critic so passes the ordinary limit of kindness metropolitan or critical, that I cannot but look among my personal friends for the writer of the article. Coming to the personal friends, .. I reject one on one ground & one on another: for one, the graciousness is too graceful, & for another, the grace almost too gracious, .. I am puzzled & dizzy with doubt, ..... and .... “is it you [1] ?” Answer me, .. will you? If I shd owe so much gratitude to you, suffer me to pay it, .. permit the pleasure to me of paying it!—for I know too much of the pleasures of gratitude to be willing to lose one of them.
I wait to hear your answer, before entering on general subjects—remaining in any case
very truly yours
Elizabeth B Barrett
Publication: LEBB, I, 244–245 (in part).
Manuscript: British Library.
1. Underscored three times. At the end of the letter, Westwood wrote in pencil: “No, the Metropolitan review was not by me. & I was glad it was not, for I did not like it.” However, Westwood ascertained that Charles Grant wrote the review (see letters 1874 and 1881).
___________________
