2135. RB to EBB
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 11, 236–237.
Friday. [Postmark: 12 December 1845]
And now, my heart’s love, I am waiting to hear from you,—my heart is full of you: when I try to remember what I said yesterday, that thought, of what fills my heart,—only that makes me bear with the memory .. I know that even such imperfect, poorest of words must have come from thence if not bearing up to you all that is there—and I know you are ever above me to receive, and help, and forgive, and wait for the one day which I will never say to myself cannot come, when I shall speak what I feel—more of it—or some of it—for now nothing is spoken.
Ah, you opposed very rightly, I dare say, the writing that paper I spoke of! The process should be so much simpler! I most earnestly expect of you, my love, that in the event of any such necessity as was then alluded to, you accept at once in my name any conditions possible for a human will to submit to—there is no imaginable condition to which you allow me to accede that I will not joyfully bend all my faculties to comply with[.] —And you know this—but so, also, do you know more .. and yet “I may tire of you”—“may forget you”.
I will write again, having the long, long week to wait! And one of the things I must say, will be, that with my love, I cannot lose my pride in you—that nothing but that love, could balance that pride—and that, blessing the love so divinely, you must minister to the pride as well, yes, my own—I shall follow your fame,—and, better than fame, the good you do—in the world—and, if you please, it shall all be mine—as your hand, as your eyes–
I will write and pray it from you into a promise .. and your promises I live upon.
May God bless you!
Address: Miss Barrett, / 50 Wimpole St
Postmark: 8NT8 DE12 1845 B.
Docket, in EBB’s hand: 84.
Publication: RB-EBB, p. 317.
Manuscript: Wellesley College.
1. From the context here and in the following letter, it seems evident that RB and EBB had discussed the possibility of preparing a letter to be presented to Mr. Barrett should he have discovered, at some future time, the nature of their relationship.
2. Underscored three times.