2143. RB to EBB
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 11, 250.
Saturday. [Postmark: 20 December 1845]
I do not, nor will not think, dearest, of ever “making you happy”– I can imagine no way of working to that end, which does not go straight to my own truest, only true happiness: yet in every such effort there is implied some distinction, some supererogatory grace, or why speak of it at all? You it is, are my happiness, and all that ever can be: you—dearest!
But never, if you would not .. what you will not do, I know .. never revert to that frightful wish—“Disappoint me?” “I speak what I know and testify what I have seen”—you shall say “mystery” again & again—I do not dispute that—but do not you dispute, neither, that mysteries are: but it is simply because I do most justice to the mystical part of what I feel for you, because I consent to lay most stress on that fact of facts that I love you, beyond admiration, and respect, and esteem and affection, even—and do not adduce any reason which stops short of accounting for that, whatever else it would account for .. because I do this, in pure logical justice—you are able to turn and wonder (.. if you do .. now) what causes it all! My love, only wait, only believe in me—and it cannot be but I shall, little by little, become known to you—after long years perhaps, but still one day. I would say this now—but I will write more to-morrow– God bless my sweetest—ever, love, I am
But my letter came last night, did it not?
<Another thing> no, tomorrow—for time presses, and, in all cases, Tuesday—remember!
Address: Miss Barrett, / 50 Wimpole St.
Postmark: 8NT8 DE20 1845 B.
Docket, in EBB’s hand: 87.
Publication: RB-EBB, p. 331.
Manuscript: Wellesley College.
1. Cf. John 3:11.
2. RB has deleted these two words.