2213. RB to EBB
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 12, 79–80.
Monday. [Postmark: 16 February 1846]
My long letter is with you, dearest, to show how serious my illness was “while you wrote”: unless you find that letter too foolish, as I do on twice thinking—or at all events a most superfluous bestowment of “handwork” while the heart was elsewhere, and with you—never more so! Dear, dear Ba, your adorable goodness sinks into me till it nearly pains,—so exquisite and strange is the pleasure: so you care for me, and think of me, and write to me! I shall never die for you,—and if it could be so,—what would death prove? But I can live on, your own as now,—utterly your own–
Dear Ba, do you suppose we differ on so plain a point as that of the superior wisdom, and generosity, too, of announcing such a change &c at the eleventh hour? There can be no doubt of it: and now, what of it to me?
But I am not going to write to-day—only this—that I am better, having not been quite so well last night—so I shut up books .. (that is, of my own)—and mean to think about nothing but you, and you, and still you, for a whole week—so all will come right, I hope!. May I take Wednesday? And do you say that,—hint at the possibility of that, because you have been reached by my own remorse at feeling that if I had kept my appointment last saturday (but one)—Thursday would have been my day this past week, and this very Monday had been gained– Shall I not lose a day for ever unless I get Wednesday and Saturday?—yet … care, dearest,—let nothing horrible happen–
If I do not hear to the contrary tomorrow,—or on Wednesday early–
But write and bless me, dearest, most dear Ba.
God bless you ever–
Address: Miss Barrett, / 50. Wimpole St
Postmark: 8NT8 FE16 1846 E.
Docket, in EBB’s hand: 117.
Publication: RB-EBB, pp. 467–468.
Manuscript: Wellesley College.
1. RB is referring, as he did in letter 2211, to Harriet Martineau’s comment in letter 2203 that she liked a “sort of strenuous handwork … better than authorship.”