2384. EBB to RB
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 13, 1.
Thursday morning [Postmark: 28 May 1846]
Dearest it is my fancy to write quickly this morning & take my letter to the post myself– Oh, I shall do it this time—there will be no obstacle. The office is just below Hodgson’s, the bookseller’s. And so, with this letter, please to understand that I go to you twice & wholly, once in the spirit, & again in the body–
But there is nothing to tell you, except that I think of you with the thought which never can change essentially, while it deepens always. What I meant to say yesterday was simply, that, I, knowing that, should be ‘bad’ if I could fail practically to myself & you. I have known from the beginning the whole painful side of what is before me, also .. I should have no excuse therefore for any weakness in any fear. Should I not be ‘bad’ then, & more unworthy of you than even according to my own account, if the obstacle came from me? It never can. Remember to be sure of it.
A change of feeling indeed would be a different thing, & we think exactly alike on the fit consequences of it. Which change is however absolutely impossible in my position & to me, ‘for reasons .. for reasons’ .... you guess at some of them, some are spoken, & others cannot be.
In one word for all, life seems to come to me only through you ..
I am your
very own Ba
Address: Robert Browning Esqre / New Cross / Hatcham / Surrey.
Postmark: 4Eg4 MY28 1846 B.
Docket, in RB’s hand: 183.
Publication: RB-EBB, pp. 735–736.
Manuscript: Wellesley College.
1. Hodgson’s bookshop and library was located at 6 and 9 Great Marylebone Street, which is now New Cavendish Street. The Post Office Receiving House was at number 7. At that time Wimpole Street intersected Great Marylebone Street between numbers 5 and 6.