2961. EBB to Arabella Moulton-Barrett
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 17, 122–125.
[Paris]
Sunday– Oct. 5. [1851] [1]
Oh my beloved Arabel, how very vexed I am that you should have suffered such vain uneasiness about us! That traitor of a waiter at Dieppe who swore to me to take care of my letter [2] & speed it safely by the packet!– I wrote the note-paper quite full, I assure you, & you ought to have had it at Mr Stratten’s on saturday morning– Well—there’s no use in raging & raving. Only, Arabel, you ought not after all to have been too uneasy. If anything had been very wrong, observe, either by packet or rail, you would have heard it by the newpapers without fail– Did’nt George remind you of that?
As to the voyage, nothing could have been much worse, except that we arrived safe at last. Immediately on getting to Newhaven we went on board the packet, never thinking of what was to follow, because there was no apparent wind. But on issuing from the haven, the sea was in a foam, & presently we had wind more than enough, till the ship rolled & toppled & creaked with the deepest of her timbers, the decks swept everywhere by the waves. I sate on deck for an hour & a half, however, wrapt in a blanket, & with Baby asleep on my knees, but at last the constrained position overcame me & I had to go down stairs with him by the help of the captain– As to poor Robert he was past help long ago,—& so was Wilson, in the cabin. I went down then, with Wiedeman, & lay on the sofa next her, and as soon as I lay down the sickness went off & I kept well the rest of the passage. Was’nt it disgraceful that I should have been ill at all? Indeed I think so. And Flush was ill. Flush had to be removed from the deck & deposited in some black hole, poor fellow, he was so very sick. And Wilson suffered dreadfully the whole way. And Wiedeman, after growing paler & paler, sate up gravely & was sick & lay down again with great satisfaction–. I “advised him,” I said, “to lie quietly”—and he answered “Less,” & lay perfectly still for hours till I told him that we had arrived, and then he jumped up in an ecstasy & said he would have “latte e tè” [3] directly, and that we had all been sick, Papa, Mama, Lila, & Wiedeman, too, which has added considerably, he seemed to think, to his social importance. It was in the very highest spirits he landed at Dieppe, shouting out about the soldiers, & examining everything at the inn– He did’nt go to bed till eleven, & then he was laughing & singing as if it was getting up-time instead– I only wonder that he was’nt frightened at sea. The cabin-windows, hatchways &c, were all closed, so that even before the sun went down we were in the dark, rocked backwards & forwards & startled by the crash of crockery & tables & chairs tumbling about, at intervals. I confess to you I was nervous myself; I asked the stewardess if there was any danger, & she answered quietly “It was impossible to know how things might end, in such a stormy sea as that.” Indeed, a most disagreeable passage it was altogether & very thankful we were to arrive at nine oclock, half past nine, rather. From half past one, eight hours of it—Wiedeman never cried once. Robert stayed on deck the whole time, because he was too ill to move—he & Carlyle who was very uncomfortable indeed– When I threw myself on a (spring, Arabel!) sofa at Dieppe & had ordered coffee, the cares of life seemed thrown at an enormous distance in the very act– [4] Robert went off to the custom house however, but our boxes passed free & everything went smoothly. I slept the whole night through without waking, and did’nt dream even of you–
Oh, dearest, dearest Arabel, we drove through Wimpole Street in coming away– I let down the glass & looked up at the windows through some bitter tears, and Wiedeman made them fall faster by saying very softly “Minny, Minny.” If you miss me, never think that I do not miss you, my own beloved sister– I miss you, miss you, miss you, at every hour of the day– I love you better than I ever did before,—believe that of me,—& that all your dear tender sympathy & goodness to me are treasured deeply in my memory among it’s precious & holy things. Thank you for what you say of Robert. He loves you as his own sister—that he keeps declaring & I know. Yes, yes– God will bring us together some day, to keep longer & closer together—you will see. I shall have you in Paris, I feel sure. Now, I am gathering still more hope of being able to stay. Our weather has been delightful on the whole—interspersed with rainy hours, but let up by splendid sunshine, & with a clear blue high sky over all. Yesterday & the day before the temperature was just like May—& the air, when I was walking with Robert on the boulevards at past six, was the softiest & balmiest possible. Certainly we have great advantages over you in point of climate, & Robert who feared the most, begins to take good hope about it– Then, after great tribulation on his part, we have engaged an apartment. The difficulty was to attend to Mr Kenyon’s wishes & establish ourselves near the Madeleine. Robert did everything in vain. Paris is crushingly full, & the number of apartments in this particular situation is small & the dearest of all. There were two within our means certainly—one on a first floor, dingy & small & without sun; the rooms so close together that we should have heard Wiedeman turn in his bed. Who could write under such circumstances?– The second, on what was called a fourth floor, but what I call (counting the entresol) a fifth– It was really unsafe for me with my weak chest, to climb so high as a matter of necessity everyday. It made me cough, even to try it once. Otherwise, & for a strong person, nothing could be better, the rooms being very nice & sufficiently numerous, & bathed in sunshine, a piano thrown into the bargain, too. But the risk was obvious, so we gave up the thought of it, & went off to the Champs Elysèes,—& I do hope dear Mr Kenyon will recognize when we come to confession with him, that we did not do it without a reason. Also, the distance is not so immense. Robert proved to me yesterday that I could walk it myself, and we can come to the boulevards any day in a cab for a shilling when we feel lazy at all. Our apartment is in an excellent house kept by an Englishwoman, on the sunny side of the Avenue des Champs Elysèes, 138, with a large terrace belonging to ourselves, overhanging the beautiful avenue, & surrounded by trees on all sides– It’s a situation which exactly answers to those houses in Hyde Park you & Robert admired so much. We have drawingroom, dining room, a room for Robert’s dressing & writing, a bedroom for ourselves, one for Wiedeman & Wilson, another for a servant, with kitchen &c.—bedrooms & sitting rooms carpetted & very clean & comfortable in all ways .. spring chairs & sofas, Arabel—two pounds a week. Ah—it’s too much, I know; but we could’nt beat them down, and, with this writing in prospect, it was necessary to have a complement of rooms. There’s a small apartment above us, three bedrooms & sitting room, very small but with a magnificent view, for a pound a week– I do wish Henrietta wd come & take it. Observe, you must direct as usual, till the tenth (10th) because we cant enter till then.
Write to me quickly—directly, mind. Kiss dear Trippy for me– Give my best love to dear George, Henry & all. I am decidedly happier for having seen them, dear things– The chamber maid here said to me yesterday, speaking of Wiedeman, “il commence à parler le français.’[’] [5] Poor child– Wilson heard him saying to himself the other morning “œuf—uovo” [6] .. & now he orders his own “œuf” in french.
God bless you my beloved. Robert was quite vexed that I would’nt stay the communion this morning at the church– He “does dislike going out in that way.” Really I had not courage, for fear of being asked, our business there– Still perhaps they wd have let us stay. We can try another time.
Your ever own
Ba
Publication: EBB-AB, I, 410–413.
Manuscript: Berg Collection.
1. Year provided by EBB’s references to the Brownings’ recent channel crossing.
3. “Milk and tea.”
4. Carlyle recorded that “towards 10 p.m.” they finally received “some very bad cold tea, and colder coffee” (Last Words, p. 155).
5. “He is starting to speak French.”
6. “Egg,” in French and Italian.
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