3616. EBB to Henrietta Cook
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 21, 248–249.
13 Dorset Street
Thursday– [6 September 1855] [1]
My ever dearest Henrietta, Everything goes wrong to one in this England—and I cant even make the two ends of our loves (yours & mine) meet comfortably. Dearest Henrietta, it is discovered now that we cant manage Eastbourne– I mean that the extra expense of settling in new rooms &c &c is found too much for us, & that we must give up Arabel & it– The worst pang, almost, of this painful business, is the thought of having led you on and put you off, .. blowing bubble-dreams out of such brittle mere tobacco-pipes!– Forgive us—forgive me. I pay for it all in my own bitter disappointment. Robert found out an additional pull at us of fifteen pounds, which made all attempt at struggling against the difficulties, imprudent in the highest degree.
This being so——what am I to say to you? Poor Arabel & I have both been crying our eyes out, it seems by her letter this morning—but I will dry my eyes to look at you .. if you should still fancy it worth while to come to see me alone here in London– But dearest, is it worth while? Almost I think it is not—considering the fatigue to you, the expense, .. & Arabel away!—— Dearest, I say to myself & to you, that in fact it is not worth your while—& that it will be wiser for you to wait a few months longer, over the winter, when you will have me here again, if we should be all by God’s will, alive. We go only as far as Paris, you know, & I shall take with me for comfort the knowledge of your affectionateness & of what sacrifices you were ready to make (even of the light of dear Surtees’s countenance!) for the sake of a few days with me. See, how unlucky I have been this summer, dearest dear Henrietta! Everything has gone the worst way—and really, if you came, I should expect you to have a miscarriage directly in order to make out my consistency in ill-fortune. So, dont come—rather let me kiss you with the lips of my soul .. which I do this moment tenderly, gratefully—praying God to bless you and yours (not least dear Surtees, who has been so unforget[t]ably kind) and to bring us together under His brighter stars next year early–
For the rest, what is there to tell you? London is an empty nutshell—just good to be thrown away– Not a creature in it! Mrs Sartoris has returned (on the spur chiefly, of her children’s having the hooping-cough!) & has spent an evening with us again—and will spend another tonight, with Mr Leighton the successful new painter, & with Mr Ruskin, I believe, and—Mr Spicer, I believe, who has written on the spirits, & who proposed in a note this morning to come & see me. Robert said I was to receive him—but I do trust he will talk of spiritual subjects only in remote holes & corners & in low whispers to me—otherwise I should much prefer his absence just now, considering everything–
Next monday comes the new maid [2] —as Wilson says, she cant hold her present position above a few days more. Oh—so shocked & pained I have been through Wilson!– But, after the first, I turn & try to think chiefly of her many excellent qualities & of what she has done for me in affectionate intention & service– Human nature is so full of failures, at it’s best– She is not to be confined till October, she says– We have talked over my poor Peni, and he allows her to go for “just a week,” and he is to “mate the new nurse do just as he lites” in the meantime, besides the comfort involved in “Ferdinando.” We have been happy, I hope, in getting a very nice person for ladies’ maid & nurse– It is her first place <***>
Publication: Huxley, p. 226 (in part, as 7 September 1855).
Manuscript: British Library.
1. Date provided by EBB’s mention of Ruskin’s impending visit of the same day. In letter 3615 he writes that he will be with the Brownings “tomorrow evening.”
2. Harriet Gray, engaged to replace Wilson during the latter’s absence for the birth of her first child. Gray remained with the Brownings until the following June.
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