3629. EBB to Arabella Moulton-Barrett
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 21, 265–266.
[London]
Monday– 5 oclock. [17 September 1855] [1]
My beloved Arabel, Proofsheets pushed me into Peni’s lessons, and then I caught myself up & rushed violently out of doors into sundry shop-doors in order to complete the decencies of my position tomorrow when of course I should put on mourning. [2] On my return, I found Robert frantic with fright & Wilson putting on her hat to “go & look for me–” After all I had only been round the corner to Crawford street, where the shopkeepers had lured me on from one half hour to another– So the stray Ba-lamb came back—& after dinner (this is the worst!) I find myself driven to the last rim of the post-hour—& when I had so much to say to you, my own dearest Arabel.
In despair I send this note to forerun the letter which shall go to you tomorrow, if possible– Dearest—shall you have the heart to give us up—because Henrietta does’nt come. I am sure you can have a bedroom in this house. At the same time I am afraid of pressing it– Minny says I ought’nt– So I wont press it– Only I hope I am not forced to say .. “Keep off Arabel! dont come this way by any manner of means!”
We were at Mr Stratten’s yesterday morning, & seldom have I been so moved. The text was Jacob’s testimony .. “few & evil have been the days of my pilgrimage”. [3] The discourse was full of dignity & Christian tenderness—no out-break of the personal grief whatever [4] —but what quite overset me at last was his saying at the close .. that it was an “exaggeration on Jacob’s part—” he dwelling on & testifying to the blessings of life–
For a man to speak so, in his position, .. with his heart breaking in his bosom, as he must have felt it .. was to me the very triumph of Christian experience, & made me cry as no eloquence of lamentation could have done– Robert was quite as much impressed by the whole bearing of the man as I was—& indeed so was Sarianna, who went afterwards in the evening .. which I feared to do because of the foggy air– On saturday we had a card .. “Mr & Mrs Stratten returns thanks &c &c”. Ought we to call, upon this, do you think?– <***>
Publication: EBB-AB, II, 171–172.
Manuscript: Berg Collection.
1. Date provided by EBB’s reference to shopping for mourning dress, worn to mark the death of her Uncle Richard; see letter 3626.
2. For her uncle, Richard Pierce Butler, who had died on 10 September 1855 in Kensington.
3. Cf. Genesis 47:9.
4. For the loss of his daughter Fanny; see letter 3613, note 4.
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