3657. EBB to John Ruskin
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 21, 309–310.
13 Dorset Street
Tuesday morning [16 October 1855] [1]
My dear Mr Ruskin
I cant express our amount of mortification in being thwarted in the fulfilment of the promise you allowed us to make to ourselves, that we would go down to you once more before leaving England. What with the crush rather than press of circumstances, I have scarcely needed the weather to pin me to the wall. Sometimes my husband could not go with me,—sometimes I could’nt go with him—and always we waited for one another in hope, till this last day overtook us. Tomorrow (DV) [2] we shall be in Paris. Now, will you believe how we have wished & longed to see you beyond these straight tantalizing limits? how you look to us at this moment like the phantasm of a thing dear & desired .. just seen & vanishing? What! Are you to be ranked among my spiritualities after all? Forgive me that wrong.
Then you had things to say to me, I know .. which in your consideration, & through my cowardice, you did not say, but yet will!
Will you write to me, dear Mr Ruskin, sometimes, or have I disgusted you so wholly that you wont or cant?
Once, I know, somewhat because of shyness & somewhat because of intense apprehension .. somewhat, too, through characteristic stupidity, (no contradiction this!) I said I was grateful to you when you had just bade me not. Well– I really could’nt help it– That’s all I can say now. Even if your appreciation were perfectly deserved at all points .. why, appreciation means sympathy—and sympathy being the best gift nearly which one human creature can give another, I dont understand (I never could) why it does not deserve thanks. I am stupid perhaps .. but for my life I never could help being grateful to the people who loved me .. even if they happened to say “I cant help it! not I!”–
As for Mr Ruskin, he sees often in his own light. That’s what I see & feel.
Will you write to me sometimes? I come back to it. Will you—though I am awkward & shy, & obstinate now & then .. and a wicked spiritualist, to whit .. a realist in an out-of-the-world sense .. accepting matter as a means .. (No matter for it otherwise!)
Dont give me up, dear Mr Ruskin! My husband’s truest regards, & farewell from both of us!– I would fain be
Your affectionate friend
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Our address in Paris will be 102 Rue de Grenelle[,] Faubourg St Germain.
Address: John Ruskin Esqre Junior / Denmark Hill / Camberwell.
Publication: LEBB, II, 213–215 (as 17 October 1855).
Manuscript: Armstrong Browning Library.
1. This letter is postmarked 17 October 1855, a Wednesday.
2. Deo volente (“God willing”).
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