3691. EBB to Jane Wills-Sandford
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 22, 32–33.
Paris–
Wednesday. Dec 12. [1855] [1]
My dearest Jane, have you forgotten me by this time? I have tried your love & your memory, it is certain.
Also [2] it is, that since we have been in Paris we have been in the desert among the owls thereof, [3] —suffering all manner of misfortunes—falling into an awful pit of a house (not so warm as a pit) & doomed to it for six months by an ill-advised contract. Through much struggling & shrieking we get out at the end of two—if I live over tomorrow. Meanwhile Robert has been dressing in our drawingroom, & Penini has been sleeping on the floor,—and I have been ill with draughts—not apothecary’s draughts, though implying them– Oh—you may laugh! but I dont laugh, however I seem. Of course we could see nobody—we hid behind the door & Robert would’nt go out, while I could’nt– It has been dismal. In the uncertainty of our address I did not write to you—but now you may send me letters to no. 3. Rue du Colysée Avenue des Champs Elysées. Robert has taken warm rooms well arranged, though somewhat small, I understand, and I am to be wrapped up in a blanket over my head, with a hot bottle inside (not inside the head) & conveyed through this cold air—how, I tremble to think,—for really I am weak & by no means well.
So I can tell you no news of Paris. The only pleasure I have had since I came is in watching Penini grow fat & rosy, which he does to admiration—mine, at least. Yes, & I should say that dear Mrs Jameson came here for a fortnight & that I often saw her. Mrs Sartoris too is here—& many others whom I may see presently perhaps. Think of me!– I am behindhand in work. I have not been able to write a line in the verse-way. Robert’s poems, between virulent attacks & enthusiastic praises, are likely to do well. True poems must live & triumph .. “but so as by fire.” [4] Tell me how you get on, how the world looks to you, or how you shut it out with the Parisian-paper-covered walls. Do you read & write & dream pretty freely just now? Oh—I hope you have spent a pleasanter kind of two months, than we can talk of, looking back!
Yet Penini kissed the hem of my gown [5] yesterday, & said, “I love you so much, that I tiss your pettitoats.” And Robert & I read George Sand’s memoirs, which are full of interest. Read them, you!
So much I wrote on the 13th of December, & here is the 16th In the bustle of removal I could’nt get at envelopes.
But I can tell you now that we are in our new apartment, & that it is very comfortable & warm, & that the weather has changed to warm too, & that I myself am better & more cheerful. There’s a sun above us after all! You cant think how pleased I am with the new rooms. I begin to believe again in the possibility of human happiness.
And you?–
Small rooms we are in, but warm, & arranged delightfully—with sofas & armchairs for idle people—and warm, warm. A lookout on trees behind—a side-view of the Ch. Elysées before. Not much noise, though you would say so. [6] And warm, warm.
I think of nothing but warmth just now, I have suffered so in the house we left on thursday. Nothing but warmth. And perhaps that’s why I think of you, and of the heart you have .. which I do hope, loves me a little still.
Your ever affectionate
EBB–
Publication: None traced.
Manuscript: Armstrong Browning Library.
1. Year provided by EBB’s reference to 3 Rue du Colysée, the Browning’s new address as of 13 December 1855.
2. This word is written in a large, bold hand.
3. Cf. Psalm 102:6.
4. Cf. I Corinthians 3:15.
5. Cf. Matthew 9:20.
6. In letter 3220, EBB told Arabella that if Miss Wills-Sandford “heard a noise in the street, she shrieked aloud.”
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