3827. EBB to Anna Brownell Jameson

As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 23, 16–17.

39. Devonshire Place–

Friday morning– [1 August 1856] [1]

My dearest Moña Nina, my dear friend,

I am so grieved, so humiliated– If it is possible to forgive me, do.

I received your note, delayed answering it because I fancied Robert might learn to accept your kindness about the box after a day’s consideration, .. & so forgot everything bodily, taking one day for another, as is my way lately, with this great crush of too much to do and think of. When I was persuaded to go yesterday morning for the first & last time to the Royal Academy, on the point of closing, I went like an idiot .. that is, an innocent .. never once thinking of what I was running the risk of losing, & when I returned & found you gone, you were lost, & I in despair. So much in despair that I did not hope once you might come again,—& out I went after dinner to see the Edward Kenyons in Beaumont Street, like an innocent … that is, an idiot, .. and so lost you again. You may forgive me—it is possible!, but to forgive myself is more difficult. Try not quite to give me up for it. Your note gave me so much pleasure– I wished so to see you! For the future I mean to write down engagements in a text-hand, & set them up somewhere in sight,—but if I broke through twenty others as shamefully, it could not be with as much real grief to myself as in this fault to my dearest Moña Nina– Do come soon out of mercy .. & magnanimity!

Your ever affectionate Ba.

Publication: LEBB, II, 236.

Manuscript: Wellesley College.

1. Date provided by EBB’s mention of seeing the Royal Academy exhibition “yesterday morning … on the point of closing.” The 1856 exhibition closed on Saturday, 2 August.

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