4006. EBB to Arabella Moulton-Barrett
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 24, 77–79.
[Florence]
Wednesday. [3 June 1857] [1]
My dearest darling Arabel, I could do worse than cry in reading your letter– I could beat my unconscious hand for having so misrepresented my heart as to have written what pained you, [2] dearest, dearest. Whatever it was, it was some awkwardness, something foreign to my mind & intention—for certainly, as God looks from Heaven & sees, [3] I did desire above all things that you should choose what is best for yourself, that thing being the best for me. You know, my darling, I did not think that you led a cheerful life in London, or one good for your body,—and before you buckled yourself, therefore, to this anew, I was anxious that you should have time to take breath & look on all sides of the question. That was my whole thought, my whole thought, Arabel. Mixed up with it of course (I am very human) was my desire of having you here, darling—should I love you if I did’nt wish it?– But not for a moment could my strongest wish withstand a wish of yours– I wish your wishes, dear, whatever those may be, when they are decidedly wishes—and now that they are clear, I remain perfectly, perfectly satisfied that your house is taken– [4] Do you believe me? Do I make it clear? My brain lately has been in a state of confusion to such a degree that to write any sense in a letter is almost beyond hope. I am sure the grammar must be all astray. Its as much as I can do to spell.
But will you now believe of me that I never for one instant considered it other than your duty to keep Minny from being thrown back on her family. Why, you who know me, cannot have so misunderstood me seriously—can you?– All I proposed was a visit on Minny’s part– [5] Dear Minny!– I [6] to wish you to throw her off?
Of Storm you none of you know anything. It seems to me most probable that he will settle in England—most probable. We shall see. In any case, I only thought that he might have liked you to spend his summers with him,—& that Minny might have resided with him. But all was dreaming on my part of course—and I wake up & am satisfied .. as, darling, I always should be with any realized wish of yours. So forgive me—and let me kiss through the air those tears off. I would rather shed my own blood than those tears—and if I did wrong, wrote wrong .. madly, foolishly .. remember that I am punished hardly through the knowledge of having grieved you.
Did I call myself “disappointed?” Why, you see, Robert kept saying to me from the first, when I could listen to a word (just as crying children are promised toys) that you would come directly—& so I expected, I suppose, to see you fly through the air to me with outspread wings. It was altogether childish & foolish. But in my soul, & at the bottom & top of all wishes, was the wish that you should choose for yourself. Yes indeed. It would be too hard on you, darling, if you did not.
And so you have kissed me & pardoned me, and you smile to me again .. dont you, dearest? And you will write directly and tell me all about the new house, draw me a plan, & tell me your ideas about the furnishing? And some day (though you wont ask me ever again) I shall come down on you & pay you such a visit, you will have to call in the police to turn me out.
I write in the greatest haste, because the post on this week of festas, [7] goes out early. Give my love to Mr & Mrs Stratten. I am so glad you went to them– It was very right of them & of you– For me I know I have not been out enough—it’s my old wretched way– But I was at church last sunday, & have been out driving several times. We remain in Florence through June, & early in July shall remove somewhere—we have’nt settled where. Robert rather wants to go to Elba. But here is a new vexation– Wilson expects her confinement again next november. [8] What, to be done?–
Now I shall go out regularly .. so you are to think no harm of me. Our plans are quite unfixed, & there’s a whole month to talk of them in. You will come you say, some day—some day, some day– And you shant be teazed– If you mean to be tender to me, take care of your health, in body & spirits– The rest is nothing, nothing, in comparison– Write & say that you are pretty well, & that you dont suffer all the agitation to disturb you too much. He will watch that you do not bruise your foot against a stone. [9] May He! May He who is Love love you. Your own Ba.
Robert’s love. The address is Reuben Browning Esqre Messrs Rothschild New Court, St. Swithin’s Lane.
Best love to Bummy– Best love to all–
Address: Angleterre viâ France / Miss Barrett / 50. Wimpole Street. / London– W.
Publication: EBB-AB, II, 300–302.
Manuscript: Berg Collection.
1. This letter is postmarked 4 June 1857, a Thursday.
2. The letter which “pained” Arabella is not extant.
3. Cf. Psalm 53:2.
5. In letter 3999 EBB suggested that Minny might stay with Elizabeth Treherne (née Crow) while 50 Wimpole Street was in the process of breaking up.
6. Underscored three times.
7. There were two festivals during this week. The first was Corpus Domini (Corpus Christi), a moveable feast that fell on 4 June in 1857. The second was the Festa Dello Statuto (Festival of the Statute), which celebrated the constitution granted to Piedmont by King Charles Albert on 5 March 1848. At this time it was held on the first Sunday in June, which fell on the 7th in 1857.
8. Wilson and Ferdinando’s second child, Pylades (“Pilade”) Francesco Romagnoli, was born on 11 November 1857.
9. Cf. Psalm 91:12.
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