4797. EBB to Arabella Moulton-Barrett
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 28, 251–255.
Rome–
Thursday– [Postmark: 20 December 1860]
My darlingest Arabel I have your letter– Have you Robert’s first? [1] he says it was a long one: And I have written a second– [2] Dearest, I thank you very much– It is comfort to have your words. The posts are too irregular to be patient under, and yet one must be patient—it is God’s lesson in these hard latter days–
Now I am anxious about you, my darling– Dont think of me, dear—my heart is cut through, but for the rest, I am well—so much so as to wonder at myself—for a little weakness does not count– I eat & drink in all obedience—it’s right—and if one didnt eat, it would bring nothing back nor make anything otherwise. You know the worst is with me that I cant cry freely—only this time I have really had less of that hysterical choking which prevents swallowing, so that there has been the less excuse about the eating– Poor Robert always said “For Arabel’s sake”—and I have not been unreasonable, I hope. I wish I could see with my eyes that Arabel did what she ought to do– You are not strong, I do see– I beseech you, if you love me as you say, really, to prove that by being well & strong & cheerful– You have had a great deal of cruel harrassing work—but you have the comfort of it now, oh my beloved, and it seems to me that, if I could look back on the same, I should forget the bitter of this cup.
What you tell me of the desease, reconciles me to the quicker end here,—because we could not wish to our dearest, a continuance of hopeless torment [3] —no– I think if I had known it, I should have had strength to cry out “Come Lord quickly–” [4] There was a fear that came & went with me– I could not name it to you– Now it is realized– And I confess that, (such an awful thing being) our Lord has done most tenderly in ending it soon–
Do I indeed confess so much? Oh Arabel—how foolish we are—what a merest idiocy is our “good sense.”
As to faith .. do you find it on the earth, in these days? I have seen & heard of Christians not beaten by their griefs—but people of the world bear these things just as well—there’s the truth .. as any of us Christians, who exclaim “O death, where is thy sting?” [5] Where is thy sting– Why in our hearts, & lives, & pale faces– What does that mean, beloved, but that we are hypocrites before our own souls & God? Oh—there is no use in excuses– It’s the “natural” we say– But if we too are subject to the natural, we are “free in it,” no longer—and after all, if we really believed that our saints are safe & happy & at home where we ourselves are going .. next week perhaps .. we should’nt want to “cry freely” .. we should not cry at all .. we should rise up smiling as Mrs Judson the missionary’s wife did, [6] (whom Robert has so quoted to me) from the deathbed of her only child .. saying, “I wish thee joy my darling.” But we .. the truth is, Arabel, we believe imperfectly, vaguely .. with a sort of faith that falls to dust at the first hard blow. Let us not deceive ourselves, oh my beloved,—it is true. We quote to the rags the word, “Jesus wept” [7] .. to justify these wrong tears of ours– Jesus never wept for Lazarus [8] .. whom he was about to lift back again into life– He wept in the divine sympathy of his humanity with & for the ignorant & weak who wept around him– “When he saw Martha & Mary & the Jews weeping” [9] &c– It was the stupid Jews who said, “Behold how He loved him” [10] .. when they should have said “Behold how he loveth us”–
So we go on distracting the scriptures–
As for me .. I talk of believing that “she is as in the next room”–– But if she were in the next room, should I not be very happy, very smiling—— <Can I believe it then?–> [11]
May He who wept for those who ignorantly & unbelievingly wept, look with pity on me also.
Meantime people who believe nothing may well use their scorn on me.
I will tell you Arabel– There are some spiritualists .. Christian spiritualists, whom I have known .. who do realize the truth they believe, saying calmly that “death is abolished,” and acting & looking as if it were so exactly—abolished, conquered, the sting out. [12]
Think that when I say “we” “we”, I speak of myself chiefly– Certainly I cannot reproach you, dearest, seeing you as I see you in this precious letter.
May God bless you, dear, dear– May God love you, dearest.
Not that I give way—you are not to think too ill of me, my best– Only I do believe that the dejection which one struggles vainly against, is a sign of something very wrong– I just seem to feel this–
Robert is very tender & good, & keeps away people .. which is the best kindness– I seem to want quiet to pick myself up in– You understand that, I fear– And I am much stiller here than I could be in Florence–
Let me have good news of you, my most darling Arabel, I pray you for love’s sake–
It grieves me about my dearest Storm. Do beseech him from me to bear on a little, & not go to Jamaica—beseech him– The time approaches (does it not?) when he will give up Bryngw[y]n, .. & then it will be easy to make a more exclusive arrangement. [13] She is scarcely responsible perhaps—poor Alfred must be very unhappy– [14] I was sure that you were not alone at Delamere Terrace, but my idea was of George being with you– Do, Arabel, keep Occy & Charlotte as long as you can—do– I dont much dream of the Roman plan, for you this winter– The year is too advanced—& the energy necessary for such a journey will be wanting—besides the probability of cold on the way– But next summer we must be together .. if God’s will is not negative. I am sorry dear Mr Stratten is out of reach– I am disappointed at Surtees’s denial of little Mary– Perhaps if I were he, I might feel like him just now—but presently he will recognize that for the child’s sake he should give her to you—while you, I think, will agree to send her to church & to the instruction of such a clergyman as he pleases to select. She has no sister—she should be with you– It would be an advantage to both of you. What have you done about Emma– [15] If I were you I would in a little time write to Surtees about Mary– His own mother will surely urge it for every reason.
It will be too painful if Storm goes—& for such a reason. Give my love to Charlotte & my very dear Occy—& kiss the baby—it is a lovely baby, you say—& I can fancy it is–
I have not read Mary H[unter]’s note yet– Robert advised me not. He said it had some curious theology about our being able to prevent all evils——but I shall read it for that reason presently. Only if any one says anything to you about meaning to write to me on our grief, beg them not to do it– You know I hate such things. They tear one up by the roots to see how one is growing–
I shall put off writing to my George. I have written to poor Surtees, [16] & to you—to no one else–
I am beginning to force myself into occupation– I get something hard to do– All the grammars in the house have set me to knots, for instance– I have even counted .. to keep a thought still. Which proves that I am not quite base & suicidal, eating my own poisoned heart because I will. [17] Common books are much more difficult to mind. The thing for me just now would be some of your prophets on the Revelations such as Faber [18] &c .. but unfortunately I cannot believe that there is any right among them, knowing their results– Are you very learned in such things, my darling?—really?——
Robert is out, or he would send his true love. He was very much touched by your words about him—yes, touched to tears. He loves you dearly. He said he would do more for you than for his own sister—and I believe it.
I pray for you my own Arabel– Yes indeed– Love me & pray for me. You know, I had always a peculiar love for you—& it was that I spoke of & think of—
Your devoted Ba–
Address, in RB’s hand: Angleterre / Miss Moulton Barrett / 7. Delamere Terrace, / Harrow Road, / London.
Publication: EBB-AB, II, 507–510.
Manuscript: Berg Collection; and Gordon E. Moulton-Barrett (envelope).
1. RB’s “first,” after receiving the news of Henrietta’s death, was letter 4787. His second was longer (see letter 4790).
3. Doubtless, Arabella’s letter confirmed that Henrietta died of cancer, which news RB conveys to Isa Blagden in letter 4799.
4. Cf. Revelation 22:20.
5. I Corinthians 15:55.
6. Ann Hasseltine Judson (1789–1826), first wife of Adoniram Judson (1788–1850), American Baptist missionary in Burma from 1813 till his death. Their eight-month-old son, Roger Williams Judson, died on 4 May 1816, in Rangoon. In a letter to her parents, recording the death of her son, Ann Judson wrote: “Short pain, short grief, dear babe, was thine,— / Now, joys eternal and divine” (James D. Knowles, Memoir of Mrs. Ann H. Judson, 2nd ed., Boston, 1829, p. 124).
7. John 11:35.
8. “Never” underscored five times; “wept for Lazarus” underscored three times.
9. Cf. John 11:33.
10. John 11:36.
11. The sentence in angle brackets was added as an afterthought.
12. Cf. I Corinthians 15:55.
13. In late 1857, Charles John took a three-year lease on Bryngwyn, an estate in Montgomeryshire, near Owestry, Shropshire, owned by Mary Williams (née Maddocks, d. 1868, aged 79), Lizzie’s aunt. Evidently, the lease was extended, as inferred from a September 1860 letter from Arabella to Alfred: “I am afraid Lizzie will not like spending another winter at Bryngwyn—but a winter is soon over—& when nothing else could be done, she will wisely reconcile herself to the necessity” (see SD2399). At some time, during the first quarter of 1861, before returning to Jamaica, Charles John took a five-year lease on the neighboring estate of Glanbrogan, then in the possession of Robert Simcocks Perrott (1816–88), later High Sheriff of Montgomeryshire (see letter from Octavius Moulton-Barrett to William Surtees Cook, [31 March 1861], ms at ABL/Altham).
14. We are unable to clarify this statement. However, in letter 4807, EBB writes that Charles John is being “driven from England by Lizzie.” Alfred, Lizzie, and their son, Edward Alfred, were all staying at Bryngwyn.
15. i.e., Emma Barrett; see letter 4100, note 2.
18. EBB may have in mind two books by George Stanley Faber (1773–1854): The Fulfilment of the Revelation of St. John (1819) and Eight Dissertations on certain connected prophetical passages of Holy Scriptures (1845).
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