4945. RB to Sarianna Browning
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 29, 198–199.
Pianora, [1] near Bologna,
Friday, Aug: 2. ’61.
Dearest–
At last I am on my way to you– I thought the work would never be got through—& as it is, I have been wearied & worried beyond description. There was packing up, and other miserable businesses, but at last, after some fashion, I am really torn away from Florence—certainly not to return till the latest moment I can help. I had no time to write to you, even such a note as the present: perhaps the worry did me good in other respects: I have undergone much however.
I cannot get along fast enough thru’ the incumbrance of the pony—thus we are two days in getting to Bologna—but once there, we go all the way by rail and fast as may be: Isa Blagden is with us & perfect in kindness & forbearance. Pen is quite well, quite good. How changed you will find <him> &, I may mention to prevent surprisal, how grey & changed you will find me! I had been particularly well the last two years—I suppose, laying up a stock of health to meet this emergency: however I am well enough, & far better than I could have expected. Pen is of a happy, sweet, gentle, easy nature—he suffers little, tho’ he thinks a good deal, I know, and is very different in many respects to what it was—but you know my cares.
I can’t say when we shall arrive—don’t dream of “expecting”, going to meet us at the train &c– I shall go to the nearest Inn, with Isa, & then go to you at once. Monday or Tuesday may be the day– I know nothing about the trains, nor time the passage takes. I shall probably find a letter from Arabel at Paris—I tell everybody to direct to you—and I shall get done with her & return as soon as I can. We will go somewhere & be quiet: it must be a cheap arrangement, however,—as my expenses have been enormous: breaking up housekeeping is expensive indeed, & there have been the three servants, and sundry hangers on, to do something for, and one must not harden one’s heart: this will only occasion a temporary tightness, of course, but till next year I shall feel it—never mind that, however.
I don’t find any more to say– I shall soon see you & talk it all out—it is quite out of the question to turn my thoughts elsewhere– I can think of nothing but one thing—so I have no particular pain in talking about it: I rather feel when something happens to remind me of her by a single association—things she said one time only, or did—not our usual life. I must do the best I can, however. I have the very heart of her heart to take care of in Pen—and remember, with a particular feeling, that she never once gave me, in the whole of her life, one caution or warning or piece of advice about him: I, for instance, should certainly have told her, in any serious illness of mine, many & many a thing I should have been nervous about, apprehensive of happening: she trusted me absolutely.
Goodbye, dearest Papa & Sis: I shall not be long after this letter: be cheerful and quiet with me,—I shall not be very demonstrative, depend on it: I generally feel simple, stupid,—and am indeed much more affected in mind, in many ways, than in body: my whole ways on waking—(I am always sleepy & sleep all night as soundly as a stone)—are curious: I begin by knowing she is gone—then I have to wait (really) and find out bit by bit all the rest—as where I am .. what has happened since,—in quite a slow process.
God bless you– Love to Milsand.
Ever yours affectionately
Robert Browning–
Address: Francia / Mademoiselle Browning / 151. Rue de Grenelle, / Faubourg St Gern: / Paris.
Publication: None traced.
Manuscript: Berg Collection.
1. Sic, for Pianoro, a town about 10 miles south of Bologna. It was destroyed in World War II and rebuilt two miles north of the original site.
___________________
