815. EBB to George Goodin Moulton-Barrett
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 5, 46–48.
[Torquay]
May 26th 1841.
Although I have written to Papa and sent you almost message enough in reply to your letter, I must attempt I find, before I can be satisfied, some reply to its philosophy. Thank you first for its kindness. Ah—but you know I did in my heart, however lightly I might speak of anything besides. Yet not lightly,—gravely & seriously, my beloved Georgie, I do assure you that there is no “fever,” no “excitement” in the thoughts you refer to—on the contrary common sense and a rational deference to a “medical opinion”. I know myself that I shd be better anywhere than here—and Dr Scully says—not to me (to please me) but to others—“she will be as well in London as anywhere.” Now do, George, consider these things—and refrain from starting again, when I speak of setting out in a few weeks– Why shd I not move when it is possible? Why shd I not be better when I can? Instead of starting, suggest to Papa the advisableness of sending a carriage for me when the time arrives for its use,—and enquire as to the easiest springs. Not that I am afraid. Not the least fear is in me. I am in a different state altogether from what you saw me in, and cannot be liable to the danger apprehended then. If there were danger, I wd go—I dont deny that. But there is none—and I shall act this time by what you call with dignity “the advice of my medical attendant”. And mind George—mind this truth—if God has an earthly blessing for me He will take me home. I do not limit his power or His mercy—but I have no hope or capacity of joy, except for being once more, not indeed as we were, but as we can be, together in Wimpole Street.
In regard to that detestable Michael Church, [1] what you say in this note, disquiets me again rather. Papa’s answer was obviously “a pertinent one to an impertinent question”, the evasion of an intrusion—and even implies the possibility of his family being settled there as a residence—which idea from what you told me before about the “mere investment” and the decision against parting with his London house, appears a new evil. My wonder is great that under any circumstances he shd think of Herefordshire—thickly sown as it is with pain for all of us. [2] I wd rather live in a wilderness, than there—how far rather!– Matters of feeling are not however subjects of argument–
Henrietta, it appears, very improperly (but you need not mention it in writing or otherwise) told the Holders [3] that Papa was “thinking of purchasing an estate”—mentioning the name of this– Well!– They knew all about it. A cousin of their own was a resident in it– And their report went on to describe it as “a miserable place & quite unimprovable!— wretched house impossible roads—fine mountainous scenery, but not a tree.”
Not that I care a feather, if it be thus or Eden. My objections are of another sort,—quite unremoved by your philosophy, George—& unremoveable by any other. We are however here to suffer—and I have little heart or strength left to struggle out towards the light. It will be as God wills.
I was wrong in my last letter, (long ago) to dwell at all upon selfish objections. [4] I [5] ought not to be thought of, and certainly wd not consciously say that I wish to be thought of unduly.—— You were wrong too in interpreting words of mine into an opinion that I shd wd or might have constant medical attendance after leaving this place. I do not think of that. Indeed I determine just the contrary. When I go to London, I will see nobody unless it shd be necessary. Only you see, Georgie, when certain attacks come on—these hemorrhages for instance—it is necessary to see somebody instantly or to take the bad consequence. Well—but this is nonsense! I am not thinking of it, however I may talk.
Dearest Stormie, I grieve to say, never goes out at all. He is just as he used to be—only he talks quite enough, .. if I may judge through the walls. Henrietta does just the contrary—I dont mean about the talking, or the walking, but the going out in another sense. Only the place is thin just now of visitors. But there is Lady Bolingbroke still.– [6] Arabel paints resolutely– Dont let Papa fancy that Ocky wishes to be idle—because indeed he does’nt, dear boy!——
You have my condolence about Mrs Trant—and poor Papa seems to groan as deeply as any of you. [7] He never hints to me of Michael Church—merely of his prospect of having us back in Wimpole Street. God bless you all there, and us in our return.
I am much much better—and shd not have been ill at all, but for the mistake. [8] Certainly this last hemorrhage which was very bad for some days, proves the weak state of the pulmonary vessels—but still, there is the sunshine which I can feel, though not look at while I remain here, and a whole summer, for gaining strength and being reunited to you. So no word more against the moving, dearest Georgie!– I do love you. I have written till I am tired.
Your most affectionate
Ba—
Address: George Goodin Barrett, Esq. / 3 Paper Buildings / Temple– / London.
Publication: B-GB, pp. 58–61.
Manuscript: Pierpont Morgan Library.
1. Michaelchurch, some 12 miles S.W. of Hereford, was on the slopes of the Black Mountains. From the context, it was one of the locations being considered by EBB’s father to benefit her health.
2. i.e., memories of Mary Moulton-Barrett.
3. Local acquaintances; Henrietta mentions going riding with Miss Mary Holder (SD1006), and SD1059 speaks of Bro’s presenting a sketch to Mrs. Holder.
4. No. 805, dated 15 April.
5. Underscored twice.
6. Isabella Charlotte Antoinette Sophia, formerly Baroness Hompesch, was the second wife and widow of George Richard St. John, 3rd Viscount Bolingbroke (1761–1824). Henrietta writes of a group singing glees “under old Lady Bolingbroke’s windows” on New Year’s Eve (SD977). Another letter, from Arabella (SD1023), speaks of Lady Bolingbroke’s consulting George Moulton-Barrett on legal matters. She died in Torquay in 1848.
7. Mary Trant, a first cousin of EBB’s paternal grandmother, had been a neighbour of the Barretts in their Hope End days. The reason for condolence is not known.
8. In the following letter, EBB explains that she had taken the wrong medicine, resulting in a hæmorrhage.
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