Tuesday. July 26th.
This morning, at breakfast before Bummy came down, Henrietta & Arabel & Bro tried my persuadibleness by begging me to go to Malvern. It yielded—& partly, of course, because the feeling within, about Mr. Boyd, took their side of the question. When Bummy came down, Bro said something indicative of my intention. “What”! she cried “is Ba going to Malvern today. Then I hope, Ba, you have forgotten the impropriety of drinking tea with Mrs. Griffith yesterday.”
I might have answered that if it had not been for drinking tea with Mrs. Griffith yesterday, I wd. not have been persuaded to think of going to Mr. Boyd’s today—but my only answer was, — — bursting into tears. Nothing more was said; & I wiped them away as fast as my nature wd. let me. Foolish to cry—but I was nervous & weak & unwell,—& really could not help it.
The first thing I did after breakfast, was to counter order the carriage whch. Henrietta had ordered: and the next thing, to run up into my room & cry. I sent my note to Mrs. Boyd. Out of spirits all day, & B—out of humour. We climbed the hill to pick mushrooms in the eveng.; & then her manner to me became kind again, & I became happy—or happier—again.
No letters. I finished the first book of Marcus Antoninus, & began the second. He is disagreably corrupt,—& Gataker’s readings are placed in the notes instead of in the text.[1]
One of the advantages which Antoninus derived from his brother Severus, was, το πιστευτικον περι του υπο των ριλων ριλεισΘαι.[2] I wish Severus had been my brother. But perhaps after all I shd. have been a duller pupil than Antoninus was.
In my note to Mrs. Boyd today, I proposed deferring my visit to Malvern until next week; as Mr. Boyd & Miss Boyd might like to be undisturbed on her first arrival. Will he like to be undisturbed by me?
A low-spirited day. I could not help thinking bitterly & sadly of the dear days for ever gone,—& of those dearer beings gone with the days! The Lord’s will—the Lord’s will be done.
1. E.B.B. was using a 1697 4to edition.
2. “Confidence in the love of friends” (LCL–MA, pp. 10–11, Bk. I, 14).
