Saturday. July 30.
Set off for Malvern at a quarter to nine, with Ann who wished to visit her mother; & William [Treherne] in an official capacity. I had my breakfast at home, & found Mrs. Boyd at hers. She met me at the door, & after a few considerate words in the dining room, she took me vol, nol, into the breakfast room. There I was introduced to Miss Boyd & Miss Boadman, & shook hands with Miss Gibbons. Miss Boyd is old fashioned in dress manner & countenance. She has not Mr. Boyd’s. Miss Boadman is pleasing & even pretty, & has a voice & manner even more pleasing than her face. She went up stairs to tell Mr. Boyd of my being there, & I was admitted into his room almost immediately. “Is that Porsonia?”[1] But how annoyed I was when he desired me to sit only a minute with him, & then to return to the majority. I pleaded conscience & inclination. He insisted, on the ground that I should otherwise make his appear selfish—that he had promised to give me up to his sister & Miss Boadman, for the greater part of the day—that I could not doubt its being a sacrifice on his part. I did not know what to doubt. There is no doubt of my having been in an irritation—not to say, an indignation. However I was obstinate as to remaining until the hair dresser came; & then I went away quite nol. He told me to talk more to his sister & Miss Boadman, than to Miss Gibbons. Of course, as he wished it.
Well! I did talk to Miss Boadman & to Miss Boyd as much as I could, until past luncheon time—for until then, I did not get back to Mr. Boyd. I could not help saying “I did not think that you meant to admit me again today”. “How can you say so?” &c &c &c — — Stayed with him until dinner. Dined & discussed the Socinian, Bible-society question[2] with Miss Gibbons—& had, in my own opinion, not merely the best side but the best of the argument. If the Bible Society excludes the Socinians, it must be consistent & exclude all those who are not spiritual christians. Returned to Mr. Boyd, & sate with him until he proposed walking a little in front of the house, as he had not been out all yesterday. It is a shame that he shd. be allowed to remain in the house, from the want of a person to walk with him. Once more I begged him to let me do so. No! Now his objections could not effect my being his companion in the garden; as there, there can be no carriages or horses! But I did not like proposing it. He wd. have done so, had he wished it!-- Before he went, I begged him to let me know of his return; & I sate meantime talking to Miss Boyd & Miss Boadman in the drawing room. We talked of French & Italian & English & German Literature—of much that I knew something about; & much that I knew nothing about. In a quarter of an hour, Mr. Boyd’s voice said “Ann” at the door. “She is not here” answered Miss Boyd. In five minutes more the same voice said — — what Miss Boyd thought was, “Ann” again; & she answered again as before. Nothing more from the voice! I sate & sate & talked & talked & thought & thought, until I was boiling over. Half an hour longer before they went down to tea, & before I was sent for into Mr. Boyd’s room!! I determined to let myself be in a passion; but to say nothing passionately. However Mr. Boyd began to tell me that the second supposed “Ann” was “Porsonia”; that he had walked to the door a third time, but had soliloquized “I will not be selfish” & had returned to his room without speaking. “I knew how much my sister & Miss Boadman would like to talk to you”. I could restrain myself no longer—& overflowed—gently with— “you seem to have thought a great deal about what they like—but very little about what I[3] like!” Mr. Boyd exculpated himself, and said that his feeling was “If I can be disinterested, she ought to be so also”.
He was very kind in his manner to me today; & spoke in an anxious manner of our unhappy business. He said “Well! it is not certain”, with respect to my going away; as if the no-certainty were a relief to him. Well: if it is certain—if I do go away—nobody will be left behind who cares for him more than I care. More!!! He reproached me for not having come to spend a few days with him—“You might have thought that this might possibly be the last opportunity you wd. have, of staying with me—at least while I am here.” Does not that expression seem to look forward to a removal consequent upon ours. Oh! I hoped & hope so!--
No Greek reading today.
He seems to like Miss Boadman very much. So do I; but I hope he will not learn to like her society better than mine. I hope — — — —
What a narrow heart I must have.
Miss Boadman kissed me when I went away. Curtseying in the morning, & embracing in the evening!— But I never dislike such a general principle. It is the principle of warm hearts & unsuspicious heads.
I went away at past eight, & got home at past nine. A little grumbling indirectly, about lateness; but nothing which demands grumbling in return. No letters.
1. H.S.B’s name for E.B.B., presumably derived from that of the classical scholar Richard Porson (1759–1808).
2. The Socinians, following the doctrine of Lelio and Fausto Sozzini set forth in the confession of Rakow (1605), held that Christ was not the Son of God, but a prophet of God’s word. At a meeting of The Bible Society in Exeter Hall, London, on 4 May 1831, one faction, led by a Lieut. Gordon, sought to exclude from membership all unbelievers in the doctrine of the Holy Trinity. His view was the The Bible Society was pre-eminently a Christian institution, and that the Socinians, by their denial of the Holy Trinity, could not be members of such an institution. “Alter a long discussion , during which the tumult was great beyond all description and precedent,” his proposal was put to the vote, but was not carried (The Evangelical Magazine and Missionary Chronicle, June 1831, p. 249 and pp. 255–257).
3. Underscored twice.
