Tuesday. July 5th.
I was up a little after seven this morning. So were the clouds; and to make them more decisive, the rain is down; & there seems no chance of my driving out with Mrs. Martin. Surely a letter, a decisive letter will come today! or else surely Papa will come!— If it does—or if he does—what will be the consequence? Nothing good, I fear, humanly speaking: but everything good, I know, by my knowledge of the providence of God. I have prayed for good—I have asked for fish, & shall receive no serpent.[1]
The rain went off; & Mrs. Martin arrived before the letters. So I was forced to go without them. As she had heard of my visit to Ruby Cottage yesterday, she did not propose my going there; & we went past the house to Grt Malvern. I never thought it possible that I cd. be made to do such a thing. But as we returned, I cd. refrain no longer, & begged to be allowed to go & see Mr. Boyd for two minutes. Allowed. She was “just thinking of proposing it”. As we drove up to the door, there was Mr. Boyd walking! I walked into the house, & he after me; & we talked for not one minute. I ran up to Mrs. Boyd who was dressing. Talked not one minute Then went into Mr. Boyd’s sitting room, & talked to him there, not one minute. Then Exit. Cool—cool—cool. Warm—warm—warm!!— As I came away without hearing of the letters, & as my writing about them, by this day’s post, is out of the question,—Mrs. Boyd agreed not to come here until Thursday. I am glad of it. We drove home. Mrs. Martin has agreable conversation, & is a feeling excellent person; but she has not vivida vis[2] enough about her, to please me altogether. She left me at our nearest gate,—& I walked to the house as quickly as my trembling feet & heart would let me. Henrietta met me in front of the house. “Any letters.” “Yes! but no good!! He says he has waited for some good, but has none to tell us”. I got into the drawing room—& got the letter. Yes! There is no good, but it is written in good spirits. Thank God for that!— I could scarcely read it, I trembled so much.
1. Matt. vii.10: “Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?”
2. “Vital force.”
