Thursday Sept. 15th.
I had a note on Tuesday from Mrs. Boyd, to desire me, from Mr. Boyd, to take with me on my next visit, Chrysostom’s commentary on the Romans. Chrysostom Ann & I set off at about half past eight, & arrived at Ruby Cottage before their breakfast time. Miss Bordman did not go yesterday. I sate & talked with her & Mrs. Boyd, & Miss Boyd on her appearing, until Mr. Boyd’s message summoned me. “Why how did he know of her being here,” said Mrs. Boyd. “I told him”,—answered Miss Bordman. “And why did you tell him? You who pretend to wish to have Ba with you?” “I did not think he wd. send so soon for her.” “Why you know that he was sure to send immediately, when he knew of her being here.”
Now I was pleased to hear this: and yet why shd. I be? He sent for me, because he thought that I should be annoyed, if he did not sent [sic]. Perhaps that was the reason!--
I wonder why they all like me so much at Ruby Cottage—I mean, why Miss Boyd & Miss Gibbons & Miss Bordman like me so much. It is always so!— I am liked most by those whom — — but such reflections are “vainest of all vain things”. Went up to Mr. Boyd. “Is that you, Porsonia?” I read to him out of Chrysostom’s commentary, & we agreed in the saint’s heterodoxy about original sin. Then I read a passage from the poem beginning δυσμορος; a passage relating the vision of Holiness & Temperance.[1] It has beautiful lines,—but is not a beautiful passage—at least not particularly so.
Miss Bordman came into the room, to say good bye. Mr. Boyd seemed sorry to say it to her. Well! if he likes her, that is natural; & it is natural that he shd. like her.
He went to his bedroom, & when he came back, observed to me—“I was thinking in the other room how fortunate it is (I am afraid only fortunate was the word, or perhaps happy) that I am able to bear your voice. For if your voice had been in that particular key which I cannot bear, I never cd. have associated with you.” “I am very glad it is not. I certainly shd. not have liked to have been told on my first visit to you, that you did not wish me to visit you again.” “Oh I wd. not have done it then. I wd. have tried two or three times, if I could bear your voice,—& if I could not have borne it, I wd. have told Mrs. Boyd to tell you about it.” Just as he told Mrs. Boyd to tell MissGibbons about not coming into his room!! Oh! if I had thought—if I could have thought at that time— Am I another Leila? Am I destined to associate with snow?---[2]
That is too strong. I did not feel so strongly while he said it; & I ought to consider now that Mr. Boyd’s organs are in a very excitable state, & that it does not lie in his inclination, to controul & calm them. But still, when he was aware of the possibility—nay, of the probability, of not being able to endure my voice, he shd. not have urged me to go to see him in the manner he did, four years ago. And above all, to speak of making Mrs. Boyd the instrument of turning me away!--
I was kept down stairs at dawdling dinner, for more than an hour & a half—& sate with Mr. Boyd only half an hour afterwards.
I called at Mrs. Trant’s for a few minutes, which were Procrustianized into twenty by Dominic’s nonsense. Because I asked him the cause of his high spirits—, he accused me of “fishing for a compliment”; & I had to assure him that I was neither accustomed nor necessitated to earn compliments by the sweat of my brow. Then he began to insist upon my lending him Mr. Boyd’s Chrysostom for two or three days. I yielded like a saviour of the capitol.[3]
Got home in time for tea, & found Mr. Bohn’s catalogue, directed to E B Barrett Esqr, waiting for me!—[4] No letters. Bro was at the Hereford M M today, by the help of dear Bummy’s ticket.[5]
1. Δυσμορος: “ill-fated”; the initial word of the poem she began to read on 2 September. The passage of which she speaks occurs at lines 277 ff.
2. Taken to be a reference to her own lines in Leila: a Tale (London, 1913), p. 15: “He only shook his silv’ry locks of snow / With smile that half reproach half kindness meant, / Gazed on her laughing brow, and blessed her as he went.”
3. i.e., like a goose—the legend being that the sacred geese saved the Capitol by cackling when the invading Gauls reached the ramparts (RE).
4. Catalogue of a Very Select Collection of Books English and Foreign Offered … by Henry G. Bohn (London, 1831).
5. The Hereford Music Meeting: the third and last day of the 108th Meeting of the Three Choirs of Hereford, Gloucester and Worcester, held under the patronage of the King to benefit the widows and orphans of the clergy of the three dioceses.
