Diary by E.B.B.

The month is coming to a close. Next month!— They are all gone to church. I did not feel happy enough to mix with the many who are going there; and Mr. Dean’s preaching is not worth disturbing one’s feelings, that it may be listened to. But I may as well have listened to it, as have read...

I finished Epictetus, & began Marcus Antoninus.

This morning, at breakfast before Bummy came down, Henrietta & Arabel & Bro tried my persuadibleness by begging me to go to Malvern. It yielded—& partly, of course, because the feeling within, about Mr. Boyd, took their side of the question. When Bummy came down, Bro said something indicative...

Dear Bummy & I are quite good friends now! Could we ever be otherwise? Not in heart. This is Henry’s birthday, & a holiday;[1] & it ought to be a very studious day with me—but I am without energies this morning. I have however finished the second book of Marcus Antoninus, & begun the third....

Finished the third book of Marcus Antoninus. I am getting on. Found in the first part of it, the picturesque passage which Sir Uvedale Price in his Dialogue made Mr. Payne Knight quote;[1] & which he probably did quote, either in writing or conversation. Weak & unwell all day; at least feeling...

A hard day at Greek & philosophy. Began & finished the 4th. book of Antoninus. He repeats himself a good deal, & his style is not flowing or harmonious: but there is an elevation in his thoughts & an energy in their expression, which I very much admire. How I do wish that Gataker’s system of...

Set off for Malvern at a quarter to nine, with Ann who wished to visit her mother; & William [Treherne] in an official capacity. I had my breakfast at home, & found Mrs. Boyd at hers. She met me at the door, & after a few considerate words in the dining room, she took me vol, nol, into the...

Hotter than hot—but went to Church in despite of the sun. Went to church? Yes! & to Chapel—& heard a preacher, who reversed an ancient precept, into—Si vis me ridere, dolendum est tibi.[1] So much melancholy never before created so much mirth!— I am very sorry I went to hear him; for the...

This day—this month! How & where will this month end, to us?--

A note from Mrs. Martin. No Orlando—but a present in preparation for me. She has got another copy of Moore’s Life of Ld. Byron,[1]—& therefore when the other is “in a presentable state” I am to be presented with it. Very kind of her. A large packet from London of bombazeens silks...

Read very little Antoninus, before Eliza came. Painted at the picture, which never will be like me until I change my nose mouth & eyes. Yes! Mrs. Griffith (who called here today with Miss Glasco & Miss Peyton to be congratulated on the new Peyton[1]) declared that the eyes & the forehead are...

Ordered the carriage at a quarter past 8,—& it was not ready until a quarter past 9. I in a passion of course. But as soon as it began to flow, it began to ebb.

Finished & sealed a letter to poor beloved Sam[1] before breakfast; & yet not up early. May it find him lying by the still waters of the peace of God; & on the green pastures of his love!- I pray for him everyday.

Well! I am really to go with Bummy & Henrietta to Malvern; & this afternoon!— I shall make myself miserable all the time, I dare say; & yet I am pleased at the thoughts of going. Bro & Sam have ridden to call upon Mr. Allen Cliffe,[1] who is “too proud” not to be called upon, before he...

Bro gave me a note from Eliza Cliffe, to say .. nothing! She feels very warmly & kindly: but she does not write well. Better than vicê versâ. As it is, there is certainly no vice in the case.

In spite of my “No I will not do so”, when I got up this morning, & found Maddox ‘going going’ I took an irrepressible fancy to be “gone” with her. But will Bummy like it? I agitated, o’connellized,[1] about, in my flannel dressing-gown,—& at last decided on feeling her...

I believe I was more tired last night than was good for me; certainly more so than was good for my diary which I had to bring to an untimely end, without noticing Bummy & Henrietta & Arabel drinking tea at the Martins; & Bro & Sam dittoing it at the Trants. I was left to my soliloquies—, & my...

Went to Malvern, tho’ Bummy, when I proposed it last night, opposed it. In consequence of the opposition I withdrew my motion; after which, she herself brought it on again; & I went. But after breakfast, & the lateness out-of-humoured me.

What a weight there is on my heart today. It is like lead, only colder. I wish I had not gone yesterday, where I did. I wish Miss Boyd had stayed in the room, when she proposed staying: I wish I had commanded myself sufficiently to avoid making that foolish observation! I wish I had never gone...

A hard day’s work .. I finished the 10th. & read the 11 & 12 books of my emperor. Done with him.— I wish I were as good a philosopher as he is, or was: but I wonder if he practised what he thought, as little as I do, what I read. If he had been a poet; I know I shd. have canonized him. Why...

Miss Glasco told me yesterday that Eliza Cliffe was to be here this morning, so I suppose she will. Henrietta is going to Malvern in the evening—, & something was said of my going too, tho’ I really really actually feel “Nolo”— But in case of the possibility of it, I prepared before...

Everybody except me, went to church. I stayed at home, & felt wretchedly unwell all the time, & read the Bishop of Salisburys (Jewel’s) Apologia Ecclesiœ Anglicanœ.[1] I got thro’ more than half of if; lying now in my armchair & now on the bed, & now smelling aromatic vinegar. The soul...

Henrietta asked me yesterday if I would go to Malvern today. No! Tomorrow, it will be nearly a week, since I was there. How heroic I am,—& vindictive too!—

The rain, the provoking rain, prevented my going to Malvern as soon as I intended: but I went after breakfast & after doubting whether I shd. go at all. Met Mrs. Boyd on the stairs, & was detained by her in the drawing room for a little while, after which, I was dismissed into Mr. Boyd’s room....

I left my Seven chiefs at Mr. Boyd’s yesterday. Now there are sundry notes in it, which I shd. prefer the readers there, not reading; therefore my first precaution this morng. was to send for it. I sent at the same time my Neapolitan vocabolario[1] for Miss Boyd,—& Miss Steers’s books.