[Philadelphia—Monday, 24 March 1873]

We left Washington early Monday morning for Phila. where we immediately took a carriage to make a few visits. First to see Rebecca Harding Davis whom I had not seen for ten years. She said she thought I had changed very little and said it honestly which was a kind of unsuspected rebuke on her part as I had been not feeling quite well and had complained and fretted. She, with her three children, was a fine type of tender loving self forgetting motherhood. Lesson number one.

We went next to Mr. G.W. Childs’s palace, a place one could almost examine with a microscope from end to end. The host and hostess were untiring in their efforts that we should see everything. Such glitter and glory! My very memory of it is fatiguing. I should think it would be unsupportable to live with. They are kind-hearted little people, these two, and there seems no end to their benevolent works. I gave their kind hearts great alarm by slipping the full length of their steps entirely without injury as I came away! A feat not to be repeated.

Went to our dear friends the Townes—found there the two Miss Kings of Boston and a promise of evening guests. Mrs Wister soon came with her daughter, Mrs Gillespie with hers and a few gentlemen. Of course our arrival was wholly unexpected so it was delightful to find such a greeting. We soon fell to talking about Mrs Leonowens and Jamie having promised to stay over the next Evening in order to read his Tennyson lecture to Mrs Towne and her guests, we at once endeavored to arrange for an audience in her behalf. That night I went home, took counsel with Laura, telegraphed to Mrs L. and the next evening we appeared, Laura, Bessie, Mrs L., Jamie & I at Mrs Townes at half past seven. When we left the dear people that night it was with a promise from them that they would do all in their power to arrange for her to lecture. Mrs Wister was a loving and lovely experience, as she always is, a healthy-minded, sympathetic, cultured, loving, true woman—her benevolent work, her large minded-ness, and large heartedness must affect all who come into her sphere—without possessing that terrible human gift, genius, she is filled with fervor for it in others and uses all the powers she has nobly. She carried us to see her brother Horace’s house, made by the talent of her brother Frank, one of the most tasteful houses in Philadelphia. The dining-room of carved wood in medieval style is most lovely. Mrs Wister’s grief because of her father’s illness is most touching—two or three times a day she goes to see the old man. She is the darling of his heart and he of hers. It takes all the sweetness out of the thought of her summer in Europe to wh. she looked forward with such joy, to think that she may be obliged to leave him ill.

From Philadelphia, with dear Laura and the others to New York where we parted suddenly at the ferry. We came at once through to Boston arriving in the middle of the night with the tooth-ache and my darling for companions—the old tooth-ache kept on for two days and at last I took gas and had it out.

This experience of taking gas or ether is not I believe wholly exceptional with me. I wish to write it down while the memory of it is fresh because the processes of thought connected with it are so clear, so perfectly in accordance with what we believe our future existence will be, that a solemn consciousness possesses one of having been behind the veil. Probably this surrender of the senses by artificial means is by no means unattended by danger. The first time I took the gas, this wilful rendering up of external life appeared to my mind so terrible that I said to myself, in my absence, remember whatever suffering you may ever have to endure is not worth this. But this time I said bravely to myself, remember, you give up your sense in order to be saved great suffering, this is the compensation and no matter what people say remember always this, you are spared much; and a voice smilingly said, how strange that anyone can think it better to suffer than to make this slight exchange—this is surely bad, this drowning, oh yes, but even now I see how much grander to accept this gift which stills our agony. When I awoke, I said, I will tell the Dr. to urge upon all men the foolishness of putting aside this blessing because when we come into the true life where I am now we can only wonder over the dogmatism of our human condition. Here we see things as they are—but alas! there is no use saying what I have discovered, “such wisdom is too wonderful” for them, I must shut it into the silence of my own breast, but what wonder oh God that it should be revealed to me to discover how our vain opinions fall away and become as air, even with these garments we lay aside.

When I returned it seemed quite natural to be here but I felt calm. I had indeed been upon the Mount.

When I came home dear Mrs Dresel came in to sit with me. I tried to tell what I had seen but it was inadequate and not quite clear in my statement I fear.


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