SD991. Ann C. Gordon to Samuel Moulton-Barrett (brother)
Published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 4, 348 (in part).
[London]
9th– March [1839]
My dear Sir
What ever has given rise to so hostile a spirit as you evince I will not puzzle myself longer to find out. Conscious as I am of the kindest, best, feelings, for your excellent Father, and all his family I should pity myself if I could do or say any thing to give the slightest pain to any Member of his family who, has been so perseveringly kind to me, and my very dear Children. Neither of us ever think of or speak of him without feeling a purity of thought follow; in connection, with one, so heavenly minded. I shall therefore leave you to judge if it is possible for you to wound me. All those who best know me will tell you that I do not feel the slightest anger with my worst foe I can serve them with the sincerest forgiveness and forgetfulness of intention to wrong me[.] Shall I embrace Christianity, and ever forget that our blessed Jesus prayed for his murderers on the Cross. Can I hope for Salvation through his atoning blood if I cannot repeat the prayer he himself taught. Where is my strength, but in the Lord Jesus Christ. And when I an so sustained I feel the vanities of this world not worth caring for. Every thing that advances my Children to cast all their care on him who careth for us is a subject of delight to me[.] I have wept often and deeply. So did Jesus over the Grave of Lazarus.
I should not have troubled you with the little bill had it not slipped my Memory & unfortunately since I have not seen much of your kind Father, who wrote to you about it. The melancholy Event that succeeded prevented my thinking of it, till this last bill came. I put it in my pocket and hastened to Wimpole St to request your Father to allow me to put you in possession of all the necessary facts that you might be able to institute a proper investigation when you reached Cinnamon Hill. When I was told your father had gone to Devonshire I thought he would return before you sailed therefore I did not leave it for you, but when I went from your house to Aunt Nuttalls Ellen Hine told me you were to sail in three days. I was then tempted to request you to call as I could not otherwise explain my reason for speaking to you instead of having done it through your father. As neither Cinnamon Hill or any thing relating to your Uncle or his concernes are ever mentioned to Annie or in her presence I could not speak with either your father or yourself before her. I do not wish you now to answer this. If disagreeable impressions remain with you I am sorry for it. My feelings are what they have ever been and I should not have written this but to tell you so. I have not given your message to Annie because I could not sh<ow> your note. My Children & myself have no disguises with each other. If she ever did she had only to grieve for it with renewed assurances of my very best wishes for your safe and quick passage
I remain
Dear Sir
Yours truly
Ann C Gordon
Publication: None traced.
Manuscript: Eton College Library.
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