SD1116. Hope Masterton Waddell to Edward Moulton-Barrett (father)
Published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 4, 364 (in part).
Cornwall Estate Jamaica
20th February 1840
My dear Sir
You have I believe tasted something of the sweetness of the present life & also something of its bitterness, and both of them I doubt not have been sanctified by a benignant heavenly Father to lead you more nearly to himself as the only source of true happiness. In the midst of your comforts you would like Jacob say “I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies & of all the truth which thou hast shewed unto thy Servant”; and in the midst of your trials & sorrows you would I am persuaded say like another of the Servants of God vindicate his goodness & faithfulness “I know O Lord that thy judgments are right & that in very faithfulness thou dost afflict me.[”]
The consolations of the gospel are neither few nor small, and one of tis greatest consolations is that it reveals to us a faithful & tender friend & brother to whom we can always betake ourselves for compassion & support, who sympathises with our grief and sends relief to the sufferer. We have not a High Priest who cannot be touched with a feeling of our infirmities, but was in all points tempted like as we are but without sin. Let us come boldly then into the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy & find grace to help in the time of need. You have need for that grace now and may the Lord your God sustain you largely with it.
I was called on some years ago to inform you of the death of a very dear friend that late Mrs Barrett of Cinnamon Hill & have another painful duty of a similar Kind to perform now. It is indeed so distressing that I am scarcely able to perform it. Had he been a brother I could not have lamented the event more sincerely; but a stranger should not speak of grief to you on the occasion for none can feel it like the Father. Your Son Samuel has changed time for eternity. At his express request I communicate the sad intelligence to you. His last words to me the evening before his death were “Mr Waddell you must write to my father, when I am dead; & tell him every thing, and write to my sister Henrietta Barrett.” This was on Sabbath evening the 16th instant. The next morning he departed this life at 3 oclock & same evening was interred in the family burying ground. He had been but a few days ill; and his death gave a severe shock to all who knew him not only to those at a distance who had not heard of his illness but to those immediately around him who did not, with the exception of his medical men, apprehend that it would terminate so suddenly & fatally. He was complaining for a few days before he sent for his regular medical attendant Doctor Doman, who indeed was himself not well at the time, but immediately went to Mr Barrett on hearing of his sickness. After that time nothing was wanting that could be done for him. Two other med. gentlemen were called in by Dr Doman, but in vain. It was too late. On this part of the Subject I need not dwell as I suppose Mr S. G. Barrett of the Spring estate who was then with him will write you the particulars with which he must be much better acquainted than I am. I must rather tell you the “every thing” that he enjoined on me, as far as I am able or can suppose that he wished me to do. Since his return to this country his conduct has been so unobjectionable both towards myself & the people as far as it might be supposed to come under my observation that the way seemed open for a reconciliation. I did not hesitate therefore to call on him & frankly to make an offer of the renewal of our acquaintance. It was accepted by him with apparent satisfaction & our intercourse since has been agreeable. He gave a proof also of his friendly feelings toward the church the Sabbath immediately preceding his illness by sending five pounds currency to aid a collection that was to be made in the church on behalf of the Edinburgh Deaf & Dumb Institution where I have placed a little boy afflicted in that way belonging to this property called Thomas Hyslop & who has derived vast advantage from the instructions given there since he entered it. It was on the evening of friday the 14th that I learned of his being seriously ill, & I resolved to visit him next morning. Before I got down I received a note from his cousin S. G. Barrett informing me of his sickness & that he wished to see me & receive the Sacrament. The latter part of the request placed me in a very difficult position—lest I should offend him by refusing or my Lord by complying with it. I sought Divine direction, & resolving to be guided by the evidence which I might receive of his faith & repentance immediately waited on him. A circumstance had that very day come to my knowledge, which rendered it absolutely necessary that the evidence should be of a very satisfactory kind. He charged me to tell you every thing else I should not be so minute. When I entered his room he was deeply affected, and wept pressing my hand between his in a manner more expressive than words. I was much affected too & he considerately desired his brother & others in the room to leave us alone. I enquired if there were any burden on his mind. He promptly replied “None whatever“, and then adverted to his wish to partake of the Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper, as he had never partaken of it, & had been he was sorry to say very inattentive to the ordinances of religion. After some conversation on the subject & begged him not to fix his mind so intently on that particular thing, as it was but a sign of the death of our Lord Jesus Christ, but to give all his thought to the Saviour himself who died the just one for the unjust that he might bring us to God. The Sacrament I reminded him was not essential as a preparation for death, but faith in Christ & repentance for his sins were absolutely necessary as without them we must perish. I also expressed a hope that he would be spared to partake of it often & to devote himself to the Service of God as one alive from the dead. “O no,” he answered, “I do not expect to recover and I fear that I am not prepared for another world.” He then said that he was unable to speak more but wished me to read in the Scriptures to him. The 32nd & the 40th psalms were then read to show him how the best of men felt under the sense of their sins, & how contritely they acknowledged them, and the 3rd chapter of John’s gospel to make him acquainted with his need of a Saviour. A few short pointed remarks were also made suitable to his case to which he listened with the deepest attention. Afterwards he requested me to pray. I offered to make use of his own church prayers if he preferred them; but he requested I would not, but pray as I always do. While thus engaged he joined in the most earnest manner & with many tears. Before leaving him for that time I pressed particularly on his attention the he should fully confess his sins to God, as a necessary part of repentance & essential to his peace of mind & procuring of pardon; quoting to him “He that covereth his Sins shall not prosper, but he that confesseth & forsaketh them shall find mercy.” While I thus addressed him he seemed to look somewhat hard at me; and I added that I spoke to him as a faithful Christian friend, & felt for him as a brother and that if I were in his Situation I would be thankful to any friend who should address me in the same strain. Immediately he added in a warm & affectionate manner “O I thank you I thank you.” I urged on him also that he should trust in Christ with a firm faith for pardon & salvation, and assured him that he came into the world to save even the chief of sinners, that his blood could cleanse from all sin & that there was joy in heaven over one sinner that repented. Having quoted a number of passages of Scripture on this point enquired if he believed them; he eagerly answered [“]I believe them Mr W– every one.[”] It was then impressed on him that he sh<ould> apply the blessed truth contained in them as balm to his own troubled mind, & tr<ust in> the assurance of God’s love & mercy as directed to himself, & accept of Salvat<ion as> it was freely offered in the gospel. I added that I had great hopes that his he<avenly> Father was now dealing with him to draw him to himself & make him that <mo>nument of divine grace, & that if such should be the case he would have cause to praise God through eternity for this affliction—& that it would be an infinite blessing not only to himself but to all the people of the estate. Being unable to hear more he requested me to return the next day.
The day following was Sabbath & it was evening before I could get to see him, as the duties of it commence at 9 o’clock & continue till 4 or 5 p.m. He was then worse, though I had not the remotest idea of his being so much worse as it soon appeared he was. He seemed much distressed in his conscience. As soon as we were alone he addressed me “It is a fearful retrospect to look back over the Sins of my past life.” It was a good sign I thought that his spiritual alarm was assuming a distinct form & that he had now apparently real convictions of sin & therefore pointed him to the lamb of God who taketh away the sins of the world. The blessed assurance that the blood of Jesus cleanseth from all sin had saved myself I told him both from despair & death & hoped that it wd have the same benign effect on his mind. He was reminded of the parable of the Prodigal Son in order that he might be satisfied of the perfect willingness of God to receive a returning Sinner. He did not seem to derive any comfort from it. He was reminded of the thief on the cross who even in the agonies of death sought & found Salvation though his repentance was evidenced only by acknowledging the justness of his sufferings, & his faith by the short & simple appeal “Lord remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom[”]; and I added that though he had but a day to live or an hour that if like the dying malefactor he could truly acknowledge his sins & appeal to the crucified Redeemer it would be all well with him. He listened with most devout attention, though evidently in great pain & very restless, and then clasping his hands round my neck drew me to him & kissed me as a brother. It was altogether a very melting scene.
Again he requested me to pray with him, & while I was engaged he joined with most affecting earnestness. I offered to read the Scriptures to him but he could not bear more at present he said and requested me to return very early in the morning. If he could have me all night he said beside him he would enjoy it but he was not able, & he feared he would lose his reason. Before leaving I renewed the free offers made in the gospel of God in Christ Jesus as reconciled and reconciling the world to himself, and he seemed to hear them with great comfort. In conclusion he made me promise to write to you & said that if he were alive he would look for me early in the morning. For myself I entertained little doubt of seeing him when I called again; for he was strong in body & collected & quick in mind, & though in great pain was not like a dying person. I returned to Cornwall accordingly somewhat encouraged by his humble & penitent state of mind, for the sacrifices of God are a broken & contrite spirit which he will not despise and I began to prepare a Salve for his wounded conscience of the best truth & promises in Scripture for Such a case, and to indulge the hope that he would yet be Spared to glorify & Serve God on earth. Alas it was a vain expectation. His case was so peculiarly interesting that I scarcely slept that night thinking of him & praying for him; but the first light of the day brought me word that he was no more.
Now my dear Sir I beseech you to trust in God & let not your heart be cast down. Thank God that he did not die in despair or stupid insensibility as too many do, but that he had some sense of his sins & danger & of his need of a Saviour, and also Some Knowledge of the Saviour & the way of Salvation. He was the child I doubt not of many prayers & tears & perhaps his concern for his Soul at the last may be taken as the answer to them. There was evidently a great change in his mind, or he would not have sent for me for it is not usual in this country. He did not refer to the sacrament again after the first day, & I did not introduce the Subject, lest he Should trust in it as a preparation for death & take it instead of the Saviour, & also lest in his agonised state of mind he should be tempted afterwards to turn the ordinance against himself as an unworthy partaker. The evidence also of his faith & repentance though very interesting was but recent. I designed however to speak about it on the Monday & to put some very particular questions to him, by his answers to which I would be better able to know what ought to be my duty & his in the case. But the day did not arrive & we are left to hope that there was joy in heaven that day over another sinner that repented. Adieu my dear Sir. May the Lord in whom you trust sustain you under this trial. Believe me in Xn love & sympathy yours very faithfully
H. M. Waddell
P.S. Mrs Waddell unites with me in the request that you will present our kind regards & remembrance to Mrs Barrett & to your Son Edward. I cannot this packet write to your daughter Henrietta but shall certainly fulfil the dying request of my friend.
Address, on integral page: For / E. M. Barrett / 50 Wimpole Street / London.
Publication: None traced.
Manuscript: Eton College Library.
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