3991. EBB to Arabella Moulton-Barrett
As published in The Brownings’ Correspondence, 24, 60–61.
[Florence]
[?29] [April 1857] [1]
My darling Arabel—you will think it so unkind of me, not writing– And yet I have loved you constantly– What is there to say? [2] I take your view of many things– It is so—I know– But after all, my soul is bitter even unto death [3] —to use those words in proportion to my poor capacity– You must feel how I feel, but not quite how– God knows that– Write to me dearest and say of yourself– And tell them all how I love them.
Without a word, without a sign– Its like slamming a door on me as he went out– And yet, if he did not know—he did not mean that–
I agree with you in all, dear, dear.
Also, I do believe, I have never ceased once to believe, that what he did, & the extreme views he took, were conscientiously done & taken– It was not a wilful course, but from a false theory– He did hold by the Lord [4] & walk straight as he saw– [5] And the Lord will keep His own. Even so, Lord Jesus– [6]
As for me, in these days of anguish I have wished–—
Well,—there is no use now in writing what—but I did love him Arabel, when I offended him deepest—& I did love him, did love him, when he threw me off farthest—do love him, do love him now, when he is removed from our place & time––perhaps less from our presence– Certainly I would have given my life for his life—yet he went without a word–
Robert is perfect in tenderness– He has shed many tears, dearest Robert. And little Peni has been so good & so sweet, crying out over “poor mama.” His black dress is all the mark to him of having been so near in blood to that beloved. [7]
I should like to hear of my poor dearest Henrietta, but its all pain & no good, writing. Tell her how close her thought is to me– She will know it very well though, if you dont– Say to her what you said to me– It is true, true. Beyond there is progress, development into life & love. God has let us see more lately into that spiritual world I believe—it is no longer a vague mystery: There is access, I believe– And the hour is for the “angels’ ascending & descending upon the Son of Man”– [8]
My beloved Arabel, if you would give any comfort, be well and say so– Darling, be good and serene and well in the body. You who dare trust God, & who never, never revolt, try the harder duty now, of “rejoicing in the Lord”– [9] How I blessed you for that letter! My comforter, Arabel, you always, always were– Write–
Think of me too when you think of any future—think of me. A hot climate wd be good for you this summer,—Think–
Robert says George wrote him a most kind letter– Robert never will forget it he says– Dearest, dearest George. I thought when I kissed him last it seemed as if some woe was between us– I thought so–
All of them– Tell them I love them. I am well. It has helped me, .. writing this letter—making me cry well. You know my misfortune is that I cant always cry freely, which makes one turn into stone– May God help all of us who mourn,—& put a little light into that sun– [10]
Your own ever loving Ba–
Publication: EBB-AB, II, 298–300.
Manuscript: Gordon E. Moulton-Barrett.
1. This letter was enclosed in letter 3992.
2. Concerning the death of their father on 17 April 1857.
3. Cf. Matthew 26:38.
4. Cf. Joshua 23:8.
5. Cf. Jeremiah 31:9.
6. Cf. Revelation 22:20.
7. This is the first instance of Pen’s being put in mourning dress.
8. Cf. John 1:51.
9. EBB probably has in mind the adaptation of the Old Testament phrase in Philippians 4:4: “Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.”
10. Cf. Isaiah 60:20.
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