Monday Oct 3d.
Meant to have been off at seven. Off at a quarter past 8—& B & A my convoy. A lovely morning, which I hoped wd. turn into rain that nobody might be able to come for me. Found the majority at breakfast. The minority looked into the room in a few minutes, to ask “Is Miss Barrett here?” I shook hands with him. “I am going to walk up & down in front of the house for a little while”. He walked there, a very little while. Went up to him, & he inspected, or rather felt my Greek Bible which I had brought with me—& I read the title pages, & preface—loud out. Then we talked about election; & “Oh wretched man that I am.”[1] On the latter point, he made me change my opinion. Certainly when you read the 6th. chapter [of Romans], & then the 7—the close of the 7th, appears to be a description of Paul in his unregenerate state, under the law. Mr. Wood came in—& I went out. “I believe you are Miss Barrett”. “Yes” “How is Mr. Barrett”? He has a more gentlemanly appearance than I had expected,—& an agreable countenance. Stayed half an hour—or nearly so— Then Mr. Boyd went out to walk with Miss Boyd— Then it was nearly three, at which time, dinner was ordered. Then, the Cliffe’s came!! Very soon Eliza interrupted us. I said a few words to her, & sate down again, intending to remain in the room. But Mr. Boyd did not speak—wd. not speak. It was evident from his manner, that he wd. prefer my being out of the room. So I went—of course!— Went—of course!--
Mrs. Boyd & co dined, while I sate with Mrs. Cliffe. They were obliged to dine, on account of Annie, whom Mrs. Boyd is going to bring home. Mrs Cliffe & I talked of Annie. B has been saying of her, what it is unpardonable to say. I defended her with vehemence, & tears in my eyes. No use in writing down here either attack or defence—but .. I wish she were married. Married, she soon will be, I believe: if there is faith in man—(which by the bye there isnt) for Mrs. Boyd means to permit Mr. Biscoe to take her to India—has written to him, almost to say so—& showed me the letter.
Called Eliza away from Mr. Boyd, & took leave of him—rather cooly. I could not help it. He said “are you obliged to go?” or “cant you stay?” or something of that kind, After all, I cannot doubt his preferring my society to Eliza’s—but he does not value it as I value his.
He said to me today, “It is quite enough to satis[f]y me if you come here yourself, without your sending me any pheasants.” Nevertheless I will send them, whenever I can get them. He intends to lend me Ignatius.[2] Glad of it. I wish I had gone to Malvern today in my own carriage. For then, this rain wd. have excused my staying there, for a night at least. One thing has very much pleased me in one way—Mrs. Boyd consents to Annie’s going to India. Now if she does go, she will go in March; & there will then be no obstacle to Mr. Boyd’s staying at Malvern if we stay here, or going where we go—if we go from hence. At any rate the obstacles will be diminished in number.
May Annie be happy!— I am not .. & yet I am..quite selfish.
1. Rom. vii.24: “O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?”
2. Saint Ignatius Theophorus (fl. A.D. 110), Bishop of Antioch, one of the Fathers of the Church, martyred under the Emperor Trajan. Some of the Epistles written during his final journey from Antioch to Rome are extant.
