Sunday June 19th.
A far pleasanter day than yesterday. We did not go to church,—because—I dont know what. One could’nt,—& another would’nt, which was as effective. Papa in good spirits. Bummy told us that she had told him about our knowing of his going to London. “And what did they say,” was his question. “They were very glad of it”!— Now I was half sorry to hear of her having said that; and yet our present circumstances are certainly such as must make us glad even of his absence, if by being absent, he can in any way change those circumstances. At any rate it is a last effort; & shd. be made!—
We walked down to the gate, & heard a substitute for Mr. Curzon. Not a bad sermon; but such a delivery—& disfranchisement of hs. It was enough to fill the ears of his congregation with achës! Yet it was not a bad sermon. Read the Bible, & Horne on its critical study.[1] I do not think enough of the love of God, graciously as it has been manifested to me. My thoughts are wandering ungrateful thoughts. How strange it is, that I, who can feel so very gratefully towards those who benefit me partially, & often from interested motives, (as one human being must benefit another)—, that I, should be so cold & lacking in thanksgiving towards Him who has given me all!— And how yet stranger, that in the midst of professed thanksgiving unto this unweary benefactor, my mind should be turning towards some who seem weary of loving me & doing me good!— Oh Thou who lovest for ever the being Thou hast once loved,—oh Thou who doest good unto the unthankful & unworthy!—teach me to love Thee better—teach me to think of Thee more!—
Eliza & Mrs. Best are going to Worcester tomorrow; & the former has promised to see Mr. Knibb upon ’change, tho’ in Worcester!—[2] She has taken a volume or two as samples!—
An intended-to-be-printed tract of Mrs. B’s, brought by Eliza yesterday, I read regularly thro’ today. “The Garden of Eden” may be useful; but it is not original nor is it well-written.[3] As Papa said of it last night—“It is nothing particular.”
Sent up stairs again, on account of a hole in my stocking. Mem—to show a fair pair of heels whenever I go into the drawing room instead of when I go out of it!— Shoes & stockings have got me into scrapes lately; and yet I am not usually fundamentally untidy.
Eliza had intended to visit Mrs. Boyd on Tuesday; & Miss Steers; but the Worcester business moved an adjournment until Thursday. The last evening with dearest Papa!— He in good spirits.
1. Thomas Hartwell Horne, An Introduction to the Critical Study and Knowledge of the Holy Scriptures, 3 vols. (London, 1818–21).
2. A play on “exchange”. The Royal Exchange, Cornhill, in London, was commonly known as ’Change.
3. Although Mrs. Best published numerous works between 1831 and 1864, including several volumes of tracts on the Old and New Testaments, we have been unable to trace one with this specific title.
